


Teddy in Bob's Heady

by puff22_2001



Series: The Cook, The Handyman, His Wife (They're Lovers) [1]
Category: Bob's Burgers (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Character, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Infidelity, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Homelessness, Multi, Mutual Pining, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 31,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28334202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puff22_2001/pseuds/puff22_2001
Summary: When Teddy gets evicted, the Belchers step up to help. His more-intimate presence in their lives will turn over Bob's happy little rut.
Relationships: Bob Belcher/Linda Belcher, Bob Belcher/Linda Belcher/Teddy (Bob's Burgers), Bob Belcher/Teddy (Bob's Burgers), Linda Belcher/Teddy (Bob's Burgers)
Series: The Cook, The Handyman, His Wife (They're Lovers) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2197755
Comments: 30
Kudos: 53





	1. Teddy Lives in a Truck Down by Bob's Burgers

**Author's Note:**

> I'm an avid polyamory fan and I love Teddy. I understand that he's supposed to be awkward and sad but, as a fellow lonely heart, I feel a kinship to the character. Besides which, Teddy is canonically exceedingly possessive of the Belchers. Who's to say that, in a kinder world, that obsession couldn't be benign and soft? Who's to say that the Belchers might not learn to be just as devoted to Teddy in return?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bob and Linda learn about a concerning change in Teddy's life. In response, they make a life-changing choice.

When Teddy had casually brought up that he had been evicted some days before, Bob didn’t believe him at first. But then the kids caught the handyman sleeping in his truck, right outside of the restaurant. Of course Teddy would set up camp on the street in front of his favorite place to eat--and his favorite family.

“Turns out, not paying your rent means you can’t rent that place any more! Who knew?” Teddy said anxiously after Bob shooed the kids to school and asked what was wrong.

“Why didn’t you pay your rent?”

Bob gently took Teddy’s arm as they spoke and led him inside. Teddy needed a burger, even though they weren’t even opened yet. Bob knew that people thought he could be cold, but Teddy was his best friend. Linda was already setting up the stations and looked over with raised eyebrows.

“See, the thing is, handymen don’t make that much money. And, well, I couldn’t pay my rent for a few months.”

“But you’re the best handyman in town!” Linda cut in as she deftly did the other opening tasks as Bob made up Teddy’s burger and fries. “The only one, really.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t do so good getting people to pay me. I just like to help, you know?” Teddy said with a smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes.

“Bob!” Linda hissed from the ice cream machine. Bob sighed and turned to meet his wife’s urgent stare.

“What, Lin?”

“We should ask Teddy to move in with us!” Bob wasn’t surprised in the least. Part of the reason he loved Linda was her own drive to help others. The problem was that someone had to be the voice of reason, and that only left Bob.

“Lin, we can’t ask Teddy to move in with us. Where would we even put him?”

“He can sleep on the couch.” Linda’s voice was quieter than her usual “whispers.” Teddy was the family’s closest friend; she might actually be trying to spare his feelings. “He’s your best friend.”

“Yes, and I’d like to keep things that way.” Bob replied as he flipped the burger and took a quick look over at Teddy. The man was dozing and looked like Hell. How had they not noticed before how tired and thin Teddy had grown? Some best friend he was! “When people live together, they fight.”

“We don’t fight!” Linda said indignantly.

“We’re in a fight right now.”

“This is a discussion, Bobby. Not a fight.” Linda replied as calmly as she could. “Besides, you two fight all of the time and stay friends. And a live-in babysitter wouldn’t be a bad idea.”

That caught Bob’s attention. Although they went out rarely, Teddy had proven himself reliable. Tina could only be counted on maybe half of the time, and Jen was, as Louise put it, “a snore.” They knew that Teddy loved their kids like they were his own, so he’d probably watch them for free any time.

“He did fix the sink when he last babysat.” Bob muttered to himself. That was probably a few hundred bucks they hadn’t needed to spend. Teddy had waved off their offer to pay and just smiled when Bob had thanked him.

“Exactly! He’s a real jack of all trades!”

Bob started assembling Teddy’s burger as they spoke. “He’d have to be looking for a new place, though. I don’t want Mr. Fischoeder to evict us because he thinks Teddy lives here now. Our lease only allows guests for two weeks.”

“Don’t be such a Paranoid Pete! It’ll just be until he’s got his legs under him again.”

“Ugh, fine. You win.” Bob said as he finished the burger, scooped an extra-large helping of fries onto the plate, and walked over to the sleeping Teddy. “But if we all end up on the street, you’re the one who has to explain to the kids why we’re all sleeping in Teddy’s truck.”

“Teddy!” Bob called gently as he placed the plate in front of Teddy. Teddy continued to snore, the early morning light filtering in to illuminate his face. If Bob were a sentimental man, he’d say that Teddy looked pretty in the light. If he were sentimental, of course. “Teddy!”

The second, louder yell roused Teddy with a start. “Wha, what’s going on? Where’s the fire?”

Bob chuckled as he turned towards the coffee pot to get Teddy a cup. “No fire, Teddy. Eat your burger. Linda and I want to ask you something.”

“Oh! Thanks, Bob!” Teddy mumbled as he took a huge bite as Bob placed the coffee next to his plate. Two creamers, just as Teddy liked. “You know, I’ve always wondered about burgers for breakfast. I used to eat an egg sandwich every day from the deli by the water, you know? The one that has great meat? But, uh, I had to stop doing that some time ago.”

Teddy really had grown thinner. He wasn’t yet as slim as he’d been as a young man, but it scared Bob how much weight he’d lost. And the bags under his eyes were obvious, even with his eyes closed in pleasure as he ate.

Bob spat curses at himself in his head. Yes, they were always a hair’s breadth away from homelesssness themselves, but Teddy was his friend! His own stresses shouldn’t have kept him from at least asking how the handyman was doing more often. Guilt lent more sincerity to his proposition as they talked.

“Teddy, Lin and I were wondering if you’d move in with us.”

“You want me to move in with you?” Teddy asked incredulously, his hamburger halfway to his mouth. Bob grimaced in embarrassment.

“Only until you’re back on your feet.”

“Wow, this is, uh, unprecedented.” Teddy said in equal unease. “Uh, why?”

This was not at all how Bob had expected this conversation to go. He’d expected Teddy to jump at the chance to live with them. Teddy was a profoundly lonely man; anyone could see that. And Bob and his family were some of the only people to treat Teddy with respect. There was a reason that Teddy found ways to be a part of the Belchers’ lives nigh-constantly. Bob had once found that annoying and sad; now, he was grateful that Teddy was a kind, solid friend.

So it irked him a lot that Teddy hadn’t just said yes and spared them all the awkward conversation.

“We love you, Honey. You’re our friend.” Linda piped up, always willing to step in when things got too touchy-feely for Bob. “You need a real bed! Or a couch, but what better couch that ours? It’s full of love!”

Their couch was full of farts and old food, actually, but if they were going to convince Teddy to live with them it seemed unhelpful to mention that. Bob stayed quiet as Teddy finally took another bite and chewed slowly, looking at the ice cream machine in front of him.

“We don’t expect you to pay, Teddy. So you can save up and get a new place.” Bob said as the silence grew too weird. Teddy was weird when he was quiet. They didn’t see his pensive side much, but it always shook Bob when they did. Teddy was meant to be talking a mile a minute, not staring at a dripping ice cream machine with defeat in his eyes.

“Do you want me to live with you, Bobby?” Teddy finally asked, looking over at Bob as he and Linda finished their opening tasks.

“I asked, didn’t I?” Bob said with annoyance. Did Teddy want him to beg? They were doing him a favor!

“Yeah, but, uh, you don’t like people in your space. You know? You have a big, what do they call ‘em, personal space. And Linda is usually the one volunteering your home.”

Bob couldn’t argue with that. He’d complained more than once about Linda trying to get her parents, her sister, even random strangers to live with them. Linda was much more of a people-person than Bob. He found that endearing when she wasn’t trying to turn their home into a clown car.

But Teddy was different, Bob realized suddenly. Gail would bring her many cats and imagined slights. Linda’s parents would bring their arguments and complaints. Nearly everyone Bob would want to strangle within a week.

Teddy, he could stand. And if he couldn’t, Bob could tell Teddy to his face to stop. There wouldn’t be any crocodile tears or passive-aggressive barbs or witty comeback. Teddy would just apologize with a grin and try to do better.

Bob smiled as genuinely as he could as he picked up the coffee pot to pour himself a cup. “Yes, Teddy. I want you to move in with us. I can’t have you sleeping in your truck outside of the restaurant.”

“I can move!”

“Teddy, I’m not worried about the way it looks. I’m worried about you.”

Teddy’s eyes opened wide at that. He took a few fries and shoved them in his mouth, speaking around the potatoes. “Oh. Oh, OK.”

“So will you sleep on our couch?” Bob asked as he refilled Teddy’s cup. “I’ll even help you find more work so you can look for a new place.”

“Uh, yeah.” Teddy said as he looked down at his plate, blushing. “Yeah, I, thanks.”

“No problem, Teddy.”

Teddy started to say something, stopped, and then began recounting yet another rambling story about his life. Linda asked questions as she worked, always sincerely interested in Teddy’s nonsense. Bob smiled and went to unlock the door.

This plan might turn out to be a disaster, but maybe living with the Belchers was just what Teddy needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the idea for this story when I watched "Friends with Burger-fits" for the first time and I felt so bad for Teddy. I get that he's awkward and sad and I understand that his character can range from "harmless good guy" to "violent creepy stalker" depending on the episode. However, I don't feel that tweaking his character to be firmly on the side of "harmless good guy" is that heinous of a crime. I personally think that there's way worse stuff to ship out there than three unrelated adults in their forties who are canonically friends and who, in-story, are consistently and enthusiastically consenting. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	2. The Scream-I-Cane is Screaming Their Names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bob and Linda tell the kids about their new roommate. The kids have other things on their minds.

“So, why is Teddy asleep on our couch?” Louise asked as the kids came into the restaurant that afternoon. Bob looked up from the grill where he was scrubbing the grate as Linda continued wiping glasses at the sink. The dead hours between lunch and dinner were often the only time during the day that Bob and Linda got to talk to the kids, and Bob treasured their visits. Even when the kids were awful, he was loath to admit out loud.

“Wait, you kids have already been upstairs? Why do you still have your backpacks?”

“Why don’t _you_ have a backpack?” Louise said as she threw her bag onto a booth and sat beside it, stretching out and groaning in pleasure at finally being home.

Gene sat down opposite his sister and put his own bag on the seat as well. “Yeah, Dad, _you’re_ the weirdo, not us!”

“Teddy was snoring and we need to do our homework.” Tina said by way of explanation as she sat beside Gene and pulled out a notebook from her bag on the floor. Bob considered reminding his eldest that the kids shouldn’t put their bags on the floor--that was a walking hazard and also the floor wasn’t the cleanest--but decided it wasn’t worth the trouble. No one was in the restaurant except the Belchers, anyway.

“I hate that I’m asking this but since when do you do your homework?”

“Since Mr. Frond started a school-wide competition to see who can do the most homework. The top three students get gift certificates to Wonder Wharf.” Tina said as she started writing, pulling out a pencil and her math book to place beside her notebook. Gene and Louise had yet to start any work and were instead kicking each other across the booth and giggling. Louise kept kicking even as she elaborated on Tina’s statement.

“Yeah, and one of those kids is gonna be me.”

Linda brought over glasses of water for the kids from the sink. She stood by the booth with her hands on her hips but with an indulgent smile on her face. “Louise, you never worry about school. Are you sure you can handle the extra work?”

“Mom, Mr. Frond just said to _do_ the homework. He didn’t say anything about how _well_.”

Bob frowned in resigned frustration. “And there it is.”

“So, why’s Teddy in the apartment?” Gene asked as he pulled out a book from his own bag and then a handful of loose cookies. The crumbs would definitely get lost in the booth, and Bob would have to lug the vacuum down from the apartment to suck them out.

Maybe he could ask Teddy to borrow his industrial-strength vacuum instead. Bob would have to ask Teddy to help, though, as Bob didn’t know how to work most of Teddy’s tools. They could even do the chore together to have time to brainstorm how to get Teddy more work. Bob wasn’t nearly as annoyed at the prospect as he expected to be.

“Wait, you’re not replacing me as babysitter, are you? I promise I can do better!” Tina said with an edge of desperation to her voice.

“No, Tina. Well, kind of. But only sometimes.”

Louise was still kicking at Gene, though her brother ignored her in favor of his cookies and the comic splayed in the middle of his book. “Then what’s going on?”

“Is Teddy our butler now?” Gene asked through a mouthful of cookies and water.

“No, Gene. Teddy got evicted. He’s just going to stay with us until he’s back on his feet.”

Gene frowned in sympathy. “Getting evicted is like the evil twin of getting e-vited.”

“I like Teddy. He’s like the fun uncle we never had.” Tina said kindly as she looked up from her homework. Louise smirked mischievously. Bob dreaded that smile (and denied that the same smile occasionally graced his own lined face).

“Yeah, the fun uncle who owns power tools.”

Linda spoke up as she took Gene’s empty glass from him. “Well, he’s going to be sleeping on the couch for a while.”

“How long? Our lease only allows for guests for up to two weeks.” Tina’s voice was still a little anxious and Bob hated, not for the first time, how hard life was for his family. Hopefully having Teddy around would ease some of the tension, if only by having another adult around to comfort the kids. The kids did really like Teddy, despite his quirks.

“How do you know that?”

Louise answered for the kids. “Snooping.”

“Of course.”

“Don’t worry, kids. We’re not going to break our lease. At least not more than usual.” Linda answered Tina as she stroked her eldest daughter’s hair in affection. Gene made a disgruntled noise in the back of his throat and Linda automatically changed over to stroke Gene’s hair in turn. Tina smiled up at her mother and turned back to her work. Louise, for her part, finally stopped kicking and instead took a long drink from her water as she shied away from the possibility of “feelings” from Linda.

“Still, maybe don’t talk to Mr. Fischoeder about this, OK?”

“Sure, when would we even talk to him?” Louise asked sarcastically.

“I mean, we do see him when we go to Wonder Wharf.” Tina said helpfully.

Gene continued the thread. “And we are planning to win the Wonder Wharf gift certificates.”

“And we see him when we hand out flyers at Wonder Wharf.” Louise said, gargling her water.

Tina again. “And also when he comes here to get rent because you’re late again.”

“Alright, alright! You see Mr. Fischoeder a lot. So remember not to tell him that Teddy is staying here.” Bob interrupted irritably. They were his kids, all right, and that was sometimes the problem.

Louise finally pulled out a notebook from her backpack in the booth. “Roger Doger! Come on guys, let’s get to half-assing this homework.”

“Mr. Goiter, here I come.”

“Oh, God.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been binging Bob's Burgers recently, so I hope that I nailed at least some of the dialogue.


	3. The Current Situation Really Sucks--Crumbs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bob and Teddy talk over the hum of a five-year-old industrial vacuum. Soon, Bob makes a surprising move.

Bob did end up asking Teddy to help with the crumbs in the booth that night. Teddy had sat with them, eating spaghetti and quieter than any of them liked. Relief and shame flitted over his face obvious enough that even Louise gave him a look of pity as she shoved her own pasta into her mouth. At one point Gene managed to get Teddy to tell a story about a weird guitar he’d had once, but other than that Teddy just ate silently and smiled wearily if anyone looked his way.

“Hey, Teddy? Can you help me with something?” Bob asked as they all took their plates to the sink after dinner. The kids peeled off to their rooms while Linda started doing the dishes, sharing a look of concern with Bob as Teddy sat aimlessly at the table.

“Sure, Bob! What do ya need?” Teddy stood up quickly and focused on Bob with a hopeful smile. He loved to help so much, Bob knew, and that opened the man up to assholes and scams.

“Gene got crumbs in one of the booths this afternoon. They all need to be vacuumed, actually, and our vacuum doesn’t work very well. Can I borrow yours?”

“Sure thing, Bob! Let’s go get it right now!”

They went downstairs into the late spring night. The air held a hint of rain to come but the breeze was warm. Thank God Teddy hadn’t been evicted in the dead of winter; he might have frozen in his truck before the Belchers knew what was going on.

The streetlights were on and lit up Teddy’s face with a soft glow. Bob didn’t usually pay that much close attention to other people (he was happily married, thank you very much) but he took the time to give Teddy another good look. Now that Bob knew that Teddy had been homeless for weeks, he felt duty-bound to memorize all of the signs that he had missed before.

Teddy was thinner than Bob had ever seen him in their years of friendship. The perpetual stubble on his face was threatening to become a full-on beard, and actual hair peaked out from under Teddy’s knit cap. Bob had always assumed that Teddy was balding like him, but at the very least he could still grow the bright blond hair that floated in small wisps about Teddy’s tired eyes.

Teddy’s clothes were worn and not very clean. The blue work shirt was rumpled, as if Teddy had slept in it for several days. He probably had, Bob knew. Teddy had told them earlier that he’d put some of his things in a storage unit (which he wouldn’t be able to pay on soon), but he’d lost everything else with his house. He didn’t really have room in his truck for too many personal effects.

Time was also a rare commodity for Teddy, as he’d picked up more jobs to try and pay for his daily needs--except he still wouldn’t insist on payment or stop working if his customers stiffed him. So the handyman worked harder and harder, but got further and further into debt. Bob sighed as he watched Teddy lug the vacuum out of the back of his truck. Teddy was too sweet for his own good.

“Come on, Bob. Let’s get sucking!” Teddy said with a laugh as he pushed the vacuum into the restaurant behind Bob, who unlocked the door and flicked on the lights with practiced speed.

“So, Teddy. Let’s talk business.” Bob said after Teddy explained how to use the vacuum with a patient demonstration, then began the vacuuming himself anyway. Left with nothing else to do but dig the bigger crumbs out of the booths ahead of Teddy, Bob figured it was as good a time as any to start helping Teddy out of his situation.

“What’cha talking about?” Teddy asked over the moderate hum of the vacuum. Bob was momentarily distracted by how much nicer (and quieter) Teddy’s vacuum was than his own. Then he shook his head and answered, swiping an empty ketchup packet from the booth onto the floor.

“I mean, how do we get you paid? You need to be able to afford a place to live.”

“You tryna get rid of me already, Bob?” Teddy asked with a laugh that sounded forced. Bob sighed again with frustration and dug into the creases of the booth in front of him with more force than was necessary.

“Teddy, you can stay with us as long as you need.” Bob said, meaning every word. Forget Mr. Fischoeder. They’d figure out some way to keep him in the dark about Teddy. The Belchers had planned some pretty harebrained schemes before; this one would just have higher stakes than usual. “But don’t you want your own place again? You said you’d been living in your truck for weeks.”

Bob hated himself all over again, saying it out loud like that. He’d let Teddy down and now he had to fix this mess somehow.

“Well,” Teddy trailed off and seemed intent on vacuuming the filling out of the booth he was in.

“Well?” Bob echoed gently as he sat up on his knees and turned to peer at Teddy behind him.

“I just,” Teddy started, stopped again, and then continued in a rush. “I just, I’m really grateful that you’re letting me stay with you and I know that it’s only been one day but you’re my best friend and I haven’t lived with other people in years--not since Denise left--and I’m, I’m scared.” Teddy’s burst of emotion petered out at his last words. Bob smiled kindly at his friend.

“Scared of what?” Bob laughed, incredulous even as he rethought kneeling and sat down fully on the floor. It wasn’t all that clean, after all, but it beat destroying his knees. “We don’t bite. Well, Gene does occasionally, but if you leave his snacks alone you’ll probably be fine.”

“I’m scared to ruin our friendship. I know that I can be kind of, well, clingy.”

“Everyone knows that, Teddy.” Bob was ashamed as soon as the words were out of his mouth. His blunt nature was both a blessing and a curse. He was honest, but sometimes too brutal. Thank God Linda didn’t care.

Neither did Teddy, apparently. “Yeah, I know. I’ve been working on that with my therapist but, uh, I had to stop going to her a while back.” He said apologetically, like he might offend Bob with his crisis. Bob had to admit that sometimes he did get angry at people for having problems, especially people he cared about. If he couldn’t fix a problem easily, he got mad.

He would have to work on that just as hard as Teddy worked on his abandonment issues.

“We’ve been friends forever, Teddy. I don’t think living together will change that.”

“But what if it does? What if you decide you hate my snoring? What if the kids hate me? What,”

“Linda and I snore, too. You know that. And the kids love you.” Bob interrupted and flicked a crumb of stale bun at Teddy with a smirk. Teddy didn’t dodge or smile, as Bob had hoped. Bob wasn’t the greatest at playful distractions, obviously. “Come on, Teddy. You’re one of maybe three people I’m willing to let crash on my couch. That won’t change just because you have some...interesting quirks.”

“I don’t want to lose you guys.” Teddy said sadly and turned off the vacuum. He sat down on the floor across from Bob and put his clasped hands in his lap. Teddy hung his head and sighed wetly, clearly trying to hold back tears.

Bob wanted to crawl under a booth and hide. Teddy was honestly scaring him with how not-Teddy he was at that moment. Teddy crying, Bob could handle; Teddy was as prone to dramatics as Linda. But this hushed, sharp pain and Teddy’s attempts to hide it were--wrong and weird and made Bob want to hop a boat and sail farther away than King’s Head Island.

Bob consciously pushed past his feelings. He could be there for Teddy. If he could endure parties for Linda and put on a humiliating costume in public for Tina, he could be a shoulder for Teddy. If Bob could put up with Gene imitating him for days and risk life and limb to spend time with Louise, he could put aside his own trauma to be present for Teddy.

Teddy was his best non-Belcher friend.

“You won’t lose us, Teddy. You won’t lose me.” Bob said and put a hand on Teddy’s arm. He kept his hand there, even as the contact made him uncomfortable for some unknown reason besides Bob just not liking physical touch. He’d analyze his emotions later with Linda if need be. For Now, he just gave Teddy the human connection that the other man so obviously didn’t get enough.

“I’m still scared, Bob.”

“You can be scared if you want. I’ll be right here when you’re done.”

Teddy looked up at Bob then, with tears in his eyes. Bob steeled his nerves, shut his own eyes, and hugged Teddy as they sat on the floor with the vacuum beside them. Teddy didn’t hug back at first, but soon Bob felt Teddy’s hands creep up his back and clutch at his ubiquitous white tee.

“Thanks, Bobby.”

“You’re welcome, Teddy.” Bob gave Teddy one last squeeze, then let go. He didn’t mind when Teddy took a second longer to slacken his grasp. Bob smiled gently at Teddy as Teddy opened his work shirt and wiped his eyes on the tails, his white undershirt hanging much too loose for Bob’s liking.

It was a damn good thing that Bob loved to cook for his loved ones.

“Now, what do you say we finish up here and get to bed? We can figure out your finances later.”

“Sure thing, Bob. Actually, vacuuming these booths like this reminds me of a time that I,” Teddy began with a huge grin as he turned the vacuum back on and started on another story with no end.

Bob grinned back and listened intently to Teddy as they worked close together.

Tonight, Teddy’s rambling was music to Bob’s ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm stilling binging Bob's Burgers and trying to stay true to the characters. Obviously there will be some deviation as I'm writing a story for my own enjoyment, but I honestly don't think that I'm doing too badly in keeping to canon in regards to personalities and such. I also put in little nods to different episodes throughout this chapter; have fun trying to find them all!


	4. Bob's in Despair with a Beer and Pretzels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bob and Teddy bond over beer and pretzels. Bob comes to an inconvenient realization.

Turned out, Teddy was a perfect fit with the Belchers. Bob’s initial doubts (and Teddy’s) proved to be mostly unfounded. Teddy talked too much and snored too loudly, but his incredible sweetness and urge to please more than made up for the little annoyances.

Bob was still pretty shocked at how little their lives changed with Teddy as their roommate. Sure, there was an extra person to feed and fight for the bathroom, but otherwise the Belcher household remained stable. Teddy was still melancholy but his natural good attitude began to emerge within a few days of the new arrangement.

It probably helped that the kids were still trying to win those Wonder Wharf gift certificates and so didn’t really pay much attention to any of the adults--not that they paid all that much usually, being wrapped up in normal childhood issues (as well as their schemes). For their part, Bob and Linda were too busy with trying to help Teddy and run the restaurant to hover during this rare bout of responsibility. Tina could always be counted on to spill the beans if things got too hairy for the kids, and Gene and Louise did have some common sense.

Not nearly enough, but they hadn’t caused permanent damage yet.

One night a few weeks after they’d cleaned out the booths Bob and Teddy were working in front of the television. They sat next to each other on the lumpy couch, the blankets and sheets thrown over the back to make room. Bob had the laptop open with a spiral notebook and a pencil on the seat on his other side. Both men had cans of beer on the table as well, with a half-eaten bag of pretzels on the floor between their bare feet.

They’d already created a spreadsheet of Teddy’s debts compared to his outstanding invoices. If he could get just a few of his bigger customers to pony up payment, he could at least put down a deposit on a new place in a few weeks. At the very least, Teddy would be able to keep his storage unit.

Bob decidedly did not include himself on Teddy’s list of debts, despite paying for Teddy’s unit for the next month. If Linda could lend Gayle money hand over fist for the dumbest nonsense, Bob certainly could pay for Teddy’s storage unit for a month or two. Teddy would at least try to pay them back.

Now they were working on a budget, an updated business plan, and a whole pile of other tasks that had fallen to the wayside for Teddy in his crisis. Teddy was an amazing handyman, but he wasn’t great with paperwork in the best of circumstances. Besides which, finding time to brainstorm together on all of that was nearly impossible. Raising the kids, running the restaurant, Teddy still working to exhaustion--they were lucky to get an hour or two every few nights to try and enrich Teddy’s meager existence.

Linda usually joined them and proved to be their greatest asset. Linda was the one who balanced everything in their lives like spinning plates and she brought the same zeal for eccentric organization to their quest to help Teddy. Bob would never question her skills again; not when she was the one who started calling Teddy’s customers to do what Teddy couldn’t yet.

Linda was scary when she was fighting for her loved ones--and also hot as hell.

Unfortunately, Linda had had her P.T.A. meeting earlier and had come home fuming about Colleen Caviello’s latest attempts to undermine her. Linda has apologized with a growl and stormed off to their room, a bag of chocolates and a glass of wine in her hands. They knew that she’d eventually emerge to check on the kids and to use the bathroom, but otherwise she was in bed for the night.

“You’ll get her next time, Lin!” Teddy had said, as incensed as Linda on her behalf. Linda had sent him a sweet smile of gratitude and left them to their work.

Work that had rapidly become just snacking and talking. Teddy caught Bob up on the kids’ attempts to find loopholes in Mr. Frond’s homework challenge, having kept up with their efforts better by virtue of sleeping in the living room and having hearing access to everyone--the walls were thin enough as it was, and the open space of the living room worked wonders for the acoustics of the apartment.

“You sure you don’t mind the noise?” Bob asked, for what felt like the thousandth time. He and Linda snored, Tina had her sleep-grunting, not to mention the various appliances that were well past their prime and prone to rattling. Bob had on occasion had to sleep on the couch and those had been hard nights to endure.

“It’s fine, Bob. It’s nice, actually. It reminds me of when I was a kid and me and Dana would have sleepovers in my bedroom.” At the mention of his sister, Teddy’s smile dimmed a little. Bob knew that those “sleepovers” had usually entailed hiding from their parents as they fought. Teddy had dropped enough hints over the years to make piecing his childhood together easy.

Bob could understand completely.

“Well, that’s good, I guess. I can still get you earplugs if you want.” Bob said as he took a swig from his beer to avoid the desire to hug Teddy that was getting weirdly habitual. Teddy was still a little annoying and clingy, but living with them had softened some of his harsher flaws. Maybe it was the gratitude, or maybe it was just getting human interaction for more than a few hours every day at the restaurant.

Whatever it was, Teddy was definitely improving, in Bob’s opinion. He was gaining weight (Bob noted smugly how quickly due to his cooking) and had let his hair grow out when the kids marveled that he didn’t have a “yogurt lid bald spot” like Bob himself. He still wore his cap everywhere outside of the apartment, but they could persuade him to take it off when it was just Teddy with the family.

“Your head doesn’t look like a butt, Teddy. I know butts.” Tina had told him, when he explained the reason for the cap. Denise had insulted him enough about the shape of his head--and his personality, his job, basically everything--that even taking off his cap with the Belchers was a huge step for Teddy. Bob was proud of him.

Bob was also uncomfortable to note that Teddy was probably more attractive than himself.

Gene had once told Bob that he had soulful eyes, and Linda didn’t care how he looked. It wasn’t that Bob was envious; not exactly. But it was a shock to take notice of why Teddy had once been “Handsome Lifeguard Number 3.” Teddy had lived a hard life and those years showed in his wrinkles and his sad eyes, but there was still a good foundation under the wear-and-tear.

Bob wasn’t envious, but he was certainly something about Teddy. Introspection usually led to uncomfortable revelations for Bob, so he tried to ignore his thoughts to refocus on Teddy’s story about the last time that he used earplugs and somehow ended up with a cactus and a set of dinner plates.

“So I sold the plates. Wish I could have kept the cactus alive, but eh, what’cha gonna do?” Teddy finished and bent down to grab some pretzels from the bag on the floor. Bob laughed and went to grab his own fistful, but collided with Teddy instead. Their hands met briefly before Teddy emerged victorious, pretzels splayed between his fingers. “Got’cha, Bob! I win!”

Bob wasn’t paying attention. For a split second, they’d loosely held hands in the bag. It had felt--nice. Really nice. It hadn’t felt like holding hands with Linda as Teddy’s hands were much larger and rougher than Linda’s. But, at the same time, it had felt similar. Like when Bob held Linda's hand or a spatula, or hugged the kids. It had felt nice.

“Bob! You in there?” Teddy asked as he shook Bob’s shoulder gently with his hand not currently full of pretzels. Bob shook his head and smiled thinly at Teddy.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Nice maneuver.” Bob said as he got his pretzels and drank more of his beer. Don’t think about the blush creeping over his face, and certainly don’t think about certain events in the past that might or might not have made him think too deeply about his orientation.

“Mostly straight” was good enough for Bob, and he loved Linda.

“Thanks, Bob.” Teddy said after a moment of quiet chewing that felt less uncomfortable than Bob expected, but way more uncomfortable than he’d like.

“For what?” Bob asked as he leaned back into the couch, sighing with satisfaction. Another bonus to Teddy staying with them was that he was heavy enough yet to flatten out most of the lumps in the couch. Family TV night was much less of a strain on Bob’s back these days.

“For everything. Being here, it’s kind of like having a family of my own, you know?” Teddy said as he mimicked Bob and slouched down into his seat. His blond hair was long enough now to brush his eyes as he closed them with a smile of such happiness that Bob couldn’t do anything but close his own dark eyes and smile in return.

“Teddy, we are your family.” Bob said as he let the constant noises of his wife and children around them lull him into something approaching peace. Bob was too wound-up in general to ever really relax but, sitting there with Teddy, tonight he was damn close.

“Really, Bob?” Teddy said with the softest tremble in his voice. Bob opened his eyes and looked over at Teddy. The other man wasn’t crying, but his eyes were wet and his smile was lopsided.

Bob was once again struck with the urge to hug Teddy. Only that night’s hand-related event (and the accompanying emotions) stopped him. Instead, he clapped Teddy on the shoulder lightly, then squeezed. “Yes, Teddy. I can’t think of anyone else I’d want to sleep on my couch.”

“Wow, Bobby. That’s--that’s just, great. Really, really great.” Teddy said and put his hand over Bob’s own on his shoulder. They sat like that for a moment, neither talking, until Teddy let go with a watery laugh. “I don’t think the kids will ever call me Uncle Teddy, though.”

“Probably not. But I’ll tell you a secret if you promise not to tell Linda.”

“What?” Teddy said with a conspiratorial grin, leaning in. Bob knew that Teddy would tell Linda everything as soon as the two talked tomorrow; Linda and Teddy had grown close in the weeks since Teddy had moved in and he was probably her closest male friend now (next to Bob, of course). Bob didn’t mind as it took some of the pressure off of Bob to be Linda’s sounding board and gave the other two a way to share their zanier ideas with someone on the same wavelength.

“The kids like you better than Gayle.” Bob whispered behind his hand before looking carefully at the door to his room with Linda.

“Ah, Bob, Gayle’s nice.” Teddy said with a funny mixture of pleasure and reproach in his voice.

Bob smirked at that. “No, she is nice. But you’re still the kids’ favorite.”

Teddy’s face smoothed out at that. “Really?”

“I’m pretty sure. You have power tools.”

Teddy laughed at that and Bob grinned warmly at the sound. Then his smile wobbled on his face as he looked back at his bedroom door, behind which Linda was probably eating candy and muttering to herself. In a bit he’d let Teddy finally get to sleep. Then Bob would go to bed and let Linda rant to her heart’s content.

But tomorrow--tomorrow, he’d have to tell Linda that he was falling in love with Teddy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely happy with this chapter. For one, I really don't want there to be any possibility that people interpret Bob's actions as cheating. Even emotional cheating is gross and wrong, so I wanted to write Bob as completely oblivious until the pretzels, and deciding to immediately tell Linda. As well, I'm not sure that I got the dialogue down as well as previous chapters. I might go back and do some editing later on, but for now I want to try and get this finished before I go down that rabbit hole.
> 
> For anyone concerned that Linda isn't getting enough focus, I'm already planning a companion piece to this from Linda's point of view. I can't find much in the way of these three as an equal triangle; most of the fanfiction that I can find is Bob/Teddy with Linda aware but not involved. That's all fine, of course, but I personally prefer closed triangles for my polyamory needs. I also have vague plans for a "B Plot" piece that follows the kids on their quest for the Wonder Wharf gift certificates, but that's probably pretty far in the future.


	5. The Bahamas Are Nice This Time of Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bob talks to food. Bob is very, very tired.

The next day was a slog for Bob. The night before he’d listened to Linda complain about Colleen for over an hour and then he’d tried in vain to rest. Usually Linda’s snoring eventually lulled Bob to sleep, his own personal white noise machine that also farted. However, he couldn’t forget how it felt to hold Teddy’s hand or how soft Teddy’s eyes had looked when Bob had claimed him as family. Bob couldn’t forget the shock of realizing that he was developing feelings for Teddy--and what that meant for his marriage.

Because Bob would never cheat on Linda and he certainly loved her beyond sanity. Only the kids ranked over Linda, and even then it was a close race. But Teddy was rapidly catching up to them all, and that terrified Bob.

What kind of man was he to even look at anyone else, let alone feel anything stronger than mild acceptance for anyone but his wife? He hadn’t figured out his feelings until last night. Before, he'd been blind.

The urge to hug Teddy had been gradual. The quick glances at the contractor had truly originally been to just check on his health. The pleasure of being in Teddy’s presence, Bob had chalked up to Teddy trying to be less possessive of the Belchers and thus being more fun to be around.

But when put together with the events of last night, the pieces fell into place--violently, like when Louise did puzzles and made them speed competitions with her siblings.

Bob constantly felt a thread of defeat pulled tight around his thoughts. He’d promised the family that he’d do better about not voicing his fears, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t still lie awake many nights wondering if they’d all end up on the street because he was fundamentally a loser. It was just that usually his fears of failure were limited to running his restaurant into the ground or screwing up his kids.

Bob hadn’t before had serious reason to doubt his suitability as a husband.

So he’d gotten almost no sleep and then had to work with Linda alone for most of the day. The kids had school and then made excuses to skip out of work that afternoon. Bob had a sneaking suspicion that they were up to something in regards to the Wonder Wharf gift certificate challenge, but he didn’t have the energy to argue. The three had disappeared, which left just Bob at the grill and Linda working the tables.

Teddy wasn’t even there that day. He still came in for lunch most days, though Bob and Linda wouldn’t let him pay while he was living with them.

“We don’t make family pay.” Linda has said firmly when Teddy had tried to get out his wallet the first day after he’d moved in with them. “If you’re really worried about it, you can pay us back when you’re back on your feet.”

Instead, Teddy fixed things around the apartment and in the restaurant. He also cleaned some, and watched the kids when Bob and Linda were busy. With the money that they saved on babysitters and repairmen (plus a rare bump in their spring business), they were actually coming out in the black for the first time in a while.

They were trying to put away as much of the extra money as possible for various household needs. The kids’ dentists appointments were coming up, for one. Teddy’s involvement in their lives was helping them almost as much as it was helping Teddy. And Teddy had started actually asking for payment for his jobs with Linda’s coaching.

In fact, Teddy had a big job that day putting in a new dance floor at the Wiggle Room. He and the rest of the small gang of contractors in town were all off putting in floorboards and repairing the other numerous coding violations at the nightclub to try and stave off a depressing demolition. Teddy had taken his lunch (a burger and fries, plus cut vegetables at Bob’s insistence) with him. He really was trying to be more responsible.

Bob was pleased that Teddy had work, though he wondered exactly who was paying for the repairs and how that would affect Teddy. Teddy had gotten half of the payment up front, but that didn’t mean that whoever was in charge wouldn’t flake out on the back half. Still, Teddy had been able to pay down a credit card and pay up his storage unit for the next month. The handyman had thus been even more pumped to go to work, to earn his pay and to prove his worth. He’d insisted that he’d be fine eating on-site, though his lip had wobbled when Linda had handed him his lunch box that morning.

Teddy’s absence also meant that Bob was alone with Linda for much of the day.

On any other day Bob would enjoy talking with Linda through the order window and making perfect burgers. However, his current crisis was clearly messing with his head. The Burger of the Day was the Gill-ty Conscious Burger with tilapia; Bob had honestly needed to use the fish, but even he thought that maybe the pun was a little too on-the-nose. Besides which, he was talking to inanimate objects more than usual.

“What’s wrong, Bob?” He asked for the burger in front of him on the grill.

“Nothing.”

“Come ooon, you can tell _me_!” The burger wheedled.

“Well,” Bob looked quickly out at Linda as she chatted with a couple in the farthest booth from the order window. “I think I might be falling in love with Teddy.” He whispered to the burger as he flipped it.

“What!?” The burger yelled in shock.

Bob hissed in agitation, “Shhh! Not so loud!” Linda looked up, saw Bob smile sickly back, and shrugged the incident off, well-used to his eccentricities.

“Sorry. What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know, Burger.” Bob said sadly.

“You have to tell Linda.” The burger was much more determined than Bob about that, but then the burger _was_ Bob or at least a coping mechanism for working out problems that required another person that wasn’t Linda.

“I know, I know!”

“Ooor, you could run away with us! We could go to the Bahamas and get tans!” The burger exclaimed with excitement.

Bob chuckled at that fantasy, brought to life through his vivid imagination. “I think that would be worse, Burger.”

Bob flipped the burger onto a bun and carefully plated the sandwich and fries before ringing the bell. Linda came over for the order, singing some nonsense to herself. “Thanks, Bobby.” Linda said with a smile like sunshine over the bay.

Linda was Bob’s wife. She was brash and loud and she dragged Bob into so many crazy hijinks. Linda was like a hurricane, sweeping everyone up into her zest for life--sometimes against their better judgement. She often acted in the exact opposite way that Bob would, for good or ill.

She was perfect for Bob and he loved her desperately.

A few moments passed as Bob looked over the next order slip and set the fish patty to grilling. Then, he took up the thread of conversation with his ingredients again.

“You could kick Teddy out.” The tilapia said. Bob didn’t like the tilapia much.

“I wouldn’t do that. He’s got nowhere to go.” He flattened the patty savagely as he continued. “Besides, it’s not his fault I’m being emotionally unfaithful.”

“Well, the offer to run away with us is still open, Bob!” The tilapia exclaimed.

Bob thought about Linda and her beautiful smile. He thought about Teddy and his sad eyes. He thought about the kids and how much he loved them all.

“...I’ll think about it, Tilapia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Bob's quirk of talking to inanimate objects, mostly because I do that as well. I also break out into song like Linda, which explains why I love this show so much. I see something of myself in all of the main characters (though I'm a Tina with a strong Teddy streak, if I have to choose one character).
> 
> As I said last chapter, I really want to portray Bob as conflicted but ultimately faithful. I detest adultery and I don't enjoy reading or writing about cheating. He will tell Linda soon, but I didn't want this chapter to be too long.


	6. Bob Would Do Anything for Love (Except Talk About Blood)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner is a minefield for Bob. Bob readies himself for confession.

Bob managed to survive the rest of the late rush, then slowly made his way up to the apartment and the family dinner. Linda had offered to cook earlier, probably as a response to Bob’s obvious fatigue. He often didn’t get enough sleep, but this was different on so many levels.

The kids had finally come home from wherever they’d been all afternoon. When they convened for dinner, Louise whispered something to the other two, who nodded solemnly. Bob really wanted to ask what was going on, but he just didn’t have the energy.

If wanted to know, he could ask Teddy when he inevitable heard the kids that night. Except he couldn’t ask Teddy. Bob wasn’t even sure what he was going to do beyond talking to Linda, but spending any more time alone with Teddy was out of the question. Not only did Bob not want to betray Linda, he didn’t want to make Teddy uncomfortable.

That Bob was supremely uncomfortable was his own fault. Teddy didn’t even know what was going on, and probably shouldn’t. Ever. Ever ever.

Bob got his plate, took his seat, and stared off into space for a moment. Then, he slowly took a forkful of meatloaf and chewed just as slowly. He kept up the rhythm for some time, ignoring the talk of the day around him.

Bob was zoned out enough that even the kids noticed.

“What’s wrong, Dad? You look exhausted.” Tina asked with concern.

“Yeah, Dad! You look like Tina did when she snuck--” Gene started, but a thump under the table stopped him and he winced in pain. “I mean, you look great! Not at all like a Romero zombie.”

Louise spoke up with obvious suspicion. “You’re not sick, are you? Are you contagious? I’m not getting the flu again!”

“I’m not sick.” Bob answered his youngest irritably. “I just didn’t get enough sleep last night.”

“Why not? Are you in the mafia?” Gene asked as he stuck his fork in his meatloaf for safekeeping. The utensil stood to attention as Gene used his spoon to eat his peas.

“Why--why would that keep me from sleeping?”

“I don’t know, doing deals and stuff at night. Mafia stuff.”

Bob chuckled weakly. “No, Gene. I’m not in the mafia. If I were we’d have a lot more money.”

“Then what gives?” Louise asked, her skepticism just as strong.

Bob was glad that he’d had practice waving off those nights when sleep just wouldn't come. Linda had asked the same question more than once that day. Bob had given her assurances and promised to elaborate that night. Now, he gave the kids an abbreviated version of the same.

“You know how I worry a lot about being a failure, but I promised not to burden you kids? That.”

“You’re not a failure, Bobby.” Teddy said as he walked in, his empty lunchbox in hand. His day had run long at the jobsite, and he was only just getting home.

He _was_ home, Bob realized with exhausted affection laced with panic. Because this was Teddy’s home now, at least unless (or until) Bob messed everything up.

“Sit down, Teddy. I’ll clean out your lunchbox.” Linda said as she got up to take the box from the handyman and lay a light hand on his arm. Teddy slumped into his seat with a grateful grin up at Linda. Bob smiled at them both, reveling in how the two got along so well. Then his smile died under his mustache.

Would they still be friends after Bob’s confession? Would Linda want anything to do with Teddy when Bob told her the truth? Destroying their friendship was almost as much of a fear as ruining his marriage. Bob had already half-assumed that his own friendship with Teddy was doomed and was holding off on grieving until he spilled his guts to Linda.

“Tell us about your day, Teddy.” Bob said to move the focus from him and out of the danger zone.

“Well, I saw Marshmallow! She introduced me to some really great guys.” Teddy began as he started on the plate that Linda handed him. The kids asked questions, always happy to hear about Marshmallow and her friends. Linda cleaned out Teddy’s lunchbox and contributed to the conversation as well. When she came back to finish her own food, she scooched her chair an inch closer to Teddy’s. They were all actually interested.

Teddy looked so happy with the Belchers around him, listening to him. Including him as part of the family. If Bob were a sentimental man--and he wasn’t, damn it--he would say that his heart was fit to burst watching at them all.

As a bonus, dinner was safer after Teddy got home. The kids didn’t seem entirely convinced by Bob’s explanation, but Teddy was in good form and actually managed to hold their attention. Apparently the Wiggle Room had an anonymous backer paying for the repairs. Tina was enchanted with the idea of a mysterious benefactor, while Gene begged to hear all about the club patrons who came by to watch the construction. Louise just wanted to know if anyone had lost a limb or some equally morbid disaster.

“Nah, not yet. But one guy did staple his thumb.” Teddy said around a mouthful of meatloaf.

“Ah, sick! Tell us everything.” Louise exclaimed gleefully. Teddy looked quickly over at Bob, who tried to hide how his imagination was filling in the blanks. His thing with blood was annoying, but if Teddy describing the gory details would keep the kids distracted, he’d just suck it up. Maybe. Hopefully.

Teddy didn’t continue his story, though. “I’ll tell you when you go to bed. It’s not, ah, dinner safe.”

Bob sighed in relief. He wouldn’t have been able to suck it up, and fainting at dinner wouldn’t help anybody. Teddy winked over Louise’s head at Bob before bringing up the awesome machines that he was using to tear up flooring and put in new wiring. Louise was sufficiently appeased for the moment, and dinner progressed pleasantly with no more questions for Bob.

If he wasn’t exhausted and panicking, Bob would have even called dinner cozy.

As it was, he was just grateful to finish his now-cold meatloaf and congealed mash potatoes in peace. Their children were too damn smart for their own good.

Dinner finished without incident, which was half a miracle on its own. The kids quickly made their way to bed, citing their new efforts at school as the reason for their speed.

“We’re just plumb tuckered out, parents! You know how it is, that ol’ 9-to-5 grind.” Louise said flippantly as she nearly ran to her room. Linda shrugged and sat down on the couch with the laptop, ready to make up for her absence from their session the night before. Teddy sat down next to her and patted the empty seat next to him.

“Come on, Bob. Time for brainstorming. Maybe we can make it rain in here.” Teddy joked as he took up a bottle of wine and poured into one of the empty glasses he’d brought from the kitchen. He handed the glass to Linda, then repeated the process. He held out the next glass to Bob with a wide smile as Linda sipped her own wine and booted up the laptop.

They looked so snug, sitting there. Bob wanted nothing more than to sit down and relax with them.

“Actually, I’m not feeling well after all. I think I’m going to head to bed.” Bob said with as much apology as he could force into his voice. “Sorry, you two.”

“Do you want me to rub your feet, Bob?” Teddy asked as he put down the glass on the table for himself instead. It would be a weird question for a lot of folks, but Teddy was a physically affectionate guy. He’d rubbed Bob’s feet before and Linda’s. He was actually pretty good at that sort of thing.

Still, having Teddy that close to him right now seemed like a really, really stupid idea.

“No thanks, Teddy. I’ll probably be up when you get in, Lin.”

“Well, all right, Bob. Feel better!” Linda blew him a kiss and turned back to her work.

“Yeah, feel better, Bobby!” Teddy echoed. Bob clomped to his room, and as he closed the door he faintly heard Linda snort-laugh at something. Maybe Teddy told a good joke.

Even as awful as he felt, Bob smiled as he got ready for bed. He loved those two crazy raccoon people so, so much. Somehow, he’d work things out.

He couldn’t afford plane tickets to the Bahamas, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a lot of fun slipping little nods to the show into each chapter. Readers can either consider the episodes that I allude to as part of this universe or make up their own scenarios. Whatever floats their boats!
> 
> Next chapter Bob confesses! I have a pretty good idea of where things are going with this story, which is a rarity for me. However, a lot of the last couple of chapters was surprising, even to me, as I hadn't planned on this much rumination on Bob's part. I just really, really love characters being so in love that they can't contain their feelings. :3


	7. It Don't Mean a Thing if It Ain't Got That Honest and Open Marital Communication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bob and Linda talk. They come to a mutual decision.

Bob was dozing in bed when Linda slipped in a few hours later that night. He’d tried working on a few different tasks--tomorrow’s Burger of the Day, the inventory for the restaurant, that sort of thing--but his brain just couldn’t handle more than one thought at a time. It was kind of nice, actually, to be so worried about one thing as to completely push out any other problems.

Linda got ready for bed as quietly as she could, though Bob still heard her slapping her lotion on a few minutes after she’d arrived and changed into her nightgown before getting into bed. He really, really just wanted to go to sleep. Only his respect for Linda kept him awake so that he could get it all over with, whatever the outcome might be.

“So, Bob. What did you want to talk about?” Linda asked softly, quietly enough that he wouldn’t have heard her if he was asleep. He opened his eyes wearily and smiled at his soulmate. Linda’s arms glistened with way too much lotion and her gaze was clear behind her thick red glasses.

“I love you.”

Linda swatted his arm in mock annoyance. “Oh, Bobby! I know that!” 

“I just needed to tell you.” Linda smiled and snuggled down into his embrace as he draped it over her shoulders.

“Is that all? That doesn’t seem like it should keep you awake.” Linda asked after a moment. Bob sighed and held Linda closer to him. If this was the last time that he held her, he wanted the moment to count.

“No, there’s something else.”

“Well, spill, Mister! Teddy and I took longer than I expected putting together that file of former customers, and I need my beauty sleep. Although I don’t see how I can use more of it. Ha!” Linda laughed at her own joke and looked up at Bob with innocent trust.

Bob felt like he might hurl.

“You know I love you, so much, right?”

“Yes, Bob. I just told you.”

Bob swallowed against the lump in his throat. If he threw up on her, that would probably not help his case. “You like Teddy, right?”

Linda cocked her head at that. “Of course I like Teddy. I’m the one who wanted him to move in.”

“Well, I like Teddy too.”

“Yeah, I know that, too. He’s your best friend.”

“He’s my best friend, but--”

“But what?” Linda’s voice was curious but not angry. She clearly didn’t understand where he was going with this mess.

“But--”

“Bobby, you can tell me anything.”

Bob forced himself to look Linda in the eye and continue. He owed her that much and so much more. “I’m falling in love with Teddy.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Wait, what?

“What do you mean, you know?”

“I can see through you like my pantyhose, Bob. With the holes and tears and everything. Actually, that reminds me that I need to buy new pantyhose.”

“Focus, Lin!” Bob spluttered in disbelief.

“What I’m saying is, you’re not subtle. You’ve been attracted to Teddy since we met him.”

“I have not.”

“Oh, come on, Bob! Don’t be dense.” Linda smirked at her husband. “Like I said, you’re not subtle.”

Bob hadn’t really thought of “being attracted to Teddy” until recently. Appreciating Teddy’s smile or solid form was just normal business for Bob. It was just like how Bob loved Linda’s beautiful eyes and her soft hugs. It was just like breathing.

...Oh.

“OK, and that doesn’t bother you?”

“Hey, you can window-shop as long as you don’t spend any money.”

“Teddy and I haven’t done anything.”

“I know that. If you didn’t come clean, Teddy would.”

Bob had to admit that was definitely true. Neither he nor Teddy would be willing to hurt Linda in that way. Besides which, they were both terrible liars.

“But I’m still cheating on you in my brain.”

Linda rolled her eyes but her smile stayed put. “It’s not cheating if you’re not doing it on purpose. The heart wants what it wants, Bob. I’m not going to blame you for loving Teddy when he’s a sweet, funny guy that loves us.”

“Besides, I’m falling in love with Teddy, too.”

Wait, _what_?

“What do you mean, you’re falling in love with Teddy, too?”

“What, I’m not allowed to fall in love with Teddy but you are?” Linda asked peevishly and pulled away to frown at Bob. Bob closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose in confused frustration.

“Lin, that’s not--since when?”

“Since he moved in, about. I’ve always loved Teddy as a friend but close quarters changed things. Made my feelings stronger, that sort of thing.” Linda answered, her voice taking on that superior tone that she got when she was ruffled. “So if you’re cheating in your brain, so am I. And those cancel each other out.”

Bob was nonplussed. “That’s not how it works, Linda.”

“Why not? Besides, you were the one who convinced me to accept my parents’ swinging.”

“This isn’t the same thing at all.” Bob said, the weariness creeping back into his brain and down into his voice. This was just too much information at once and he was always so tired. “We’re not your parents. I’m not going to pass you around to a different person every night.”

Not unless that was what she wanted, Bob knew. Because he loved Linda enough to be OK with that, if that was what she really wanted. Even if the idea seriously weirded him out. Swinging was fine for Al and Gloria--for Bob, not so much.

“What if it was just the three of us every night?” Linda stroked his arm gently and Bob opened his eyes to look over at her. Linda’s black hair was mussed from where she’d been laying on his arm and she smiled at him with hopeful excitement. She was beautiful.

“You can’t be serious.”

“Why not, Bobby? You love Teddy, I love Teddy, he loves us. If he wanted in, why couldn’t we try? We’d have to be sneaky at first so we didn’t upset the kids and we’d still need to avoid Mr. Fischoeder until our lease is up for negotiation, but I think we could make it work. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“We could break Teddy’s heart or freak him out, we could get divorced, we could permanently damage our kids, and we could end up on the street.” Bob was tired of being the voice of reason. Linda’s suggestion sounded so great right up until reality set in.

“Hey, when I said for better or for worse I meant it, Mister.” Linda said and gave Bob a hug. Despite his annoyance at her flippancy (and his body’s increasing desire to just pass out) Bob returned the hug and slotted Linda back under his arm. They lay there, heart to heart, as Linda continued.

“As for the rest, if Teddy’s not interested, then we just back off and keep helping him as a friend. And you don’t give the kids enough credit. Tina writes those stories of hers where she’s dating the entire Wagstaff Boys’ Basketball team.”

Bob laughed at that, though he still wasn’t convinced. “What about Gene and Louise?”

“If Gene isn’t some part of the LGBT community, I’ll eat all of the beef in the walk-in. Raw.” Linda deadpanned. “They love Teddy. Louise has really latched onto him.”

“It’s the power tools.”

“Well, of course it is. But if we’re careful and go slow, we can introduce the kids to the idea naturally.”

“And Mr. Fischoeder?” Bob asked, raising an eyebrow at Linda.

“Our lease is up in a few months. If Teddy wants to stay, even if he doesn’t want to be with us, we can add him to the lease.” Linda sounded so confident. She would find a thousand ways to reason away Bob’s reasonable concerns. Linda Belcher was unstoppable when she had a dream.

Damn, did Bob love her for that.

“I really wish Mr. Fischoeder would let tenets change their leases more than once a year.” Bob said with a sigh.

Linda shrugged. “He told me that he doesn’t want to have to see any of us more than is absolutely necessary.” Mr. Fischoeder was a big fan of doing nothing, and having to deal with his tenets was not nothing. He ignored his landlord duties if they were lucky; otherwise he showed up unannounced with demands. Or he might send his crazy brother Felix, which would probably be just as bad. They’d been really good about paying the rent on time since Teddy had moved in to avoid either scenario.

“Is this really what you want, Lin?” Bob asked, looking down at her with a small smile. “You’re not just trying to make me happy?”

“Even if I was, seeing you happy makes me happy, Bobby. But I really do want to try, if Teddy’s game.”

Bob kissed the top of Linda’s head. This might end in tears (probably his own) but Bob’s relief finally outweighed his doubts. Hell, even if Teddy wasn’t interested, he and Linda were closer than ever now. They were in sync in a way that Bob could have never--would have never--guessed.

“OK, Angel Dust, let’s give it a try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was moderately difficult to write, mostly because I got self-conscious about my use of adverbs. I struggle with showing versus telling, and I also worry that I have too much dialogue. Again, I'll probably go back and edit the whole story when I'm done, but I want to focus on finishing first.


	8. Bob Breaks the "No Face Journeys" Rule

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bob and Linda don't know how to talk to Teddy. This is a major problem.

How do you tell your easily-panicked best friend that you’re in love with him--and, by the way, so is your wife? After several days of discussion, Bob and Linda had yet to reach a consensus. Linda had wanted, “singing and dancing and oh! Also fireworks!”

Bob had been less than enthused. “Lin, we want to tell him we’re in love with him, not to set the restaurant on fire.” Bob was willing to be dramatic for good reasons; hadn’t he dressed up in a humiliating cartoon pony costume to defend Tina? But theatrics were Linda and Teddy’s thing, not his.

There were also the kids to consider. Although the three younger Belchers were wholly preoccupied with the end of the school year in a few weeks (and the concurrently-ending homework contest), Bob didn’t think a full-on music video would be the best way to tell them that their parents were intending to invite another person into their marriage--not even someone as lovable as Teddy.

“Well, what do you suggest, then? All you’ve done is shoot down my ideas.” Linda said with annoyance a week out for their bedtime confessions.

Bob answered her in equal irritation. “I did suggest just telling him, you know.” He was aware that he was being unfair with that retort. They had tried to talk to Teddy the night after their initial agreement, but Teddy had been so excited to tell them some of the more adult anecdotes from his construction job at the Wiggle Room that neither Bob or Linda had been able to get a word in edgewise. Besides, now that Teddy had new stories to tell (that often actually included the Belchers or people that they knew), they liked listening to him ramble more.

However, listening to Teddy was an all-night activity. Every other free moment since had featured similar distractions: family TV night (which was nearly every night, ironically) took longer than expected with a movie marathon one night, then Teddy needed their help with rebalancing his budget after paying off one credit card completely the next, and so on for days.

“When, exactly, Bob?” Linda said as she cleaned the counter in front of her with a frustrated swipe. Bob sighed deeply as he tidied up in the kitchen. The dinner rush had yet to start and the kids were upstairs working on their homework, they said. Bob was almost certain that that wasn’t true, but Teddy hadn’t been able to eavesdrop on them from the living room recently.

“They’re being pretty sneaky, Bob. I don’t know exactly what’s going on with the contest any more.” Bob was concerned about that, but the kids often had weird little side projects and no one was injured (yet) so he let the matter drop for the time being. He and Linda tried so hard to trust the kids and the kids _usually_ respected that trust by not doing anything too insane.

Teddy himself walked in right then, saving Bob from having to answer with the same defeated “I don’t know” that he’d been giving Linda for days. Teddy looked tired and sat down at his favorite stool with a whooshing sigh. His hair was officially long enough for a ponytail now and he had the blond mass tied back with a bootstring. Bob idly thought to buy him actual hair ties at some point. Teddy hadn’t had more than a buzzcut since he’d been married to Denise, so he didn’t have any ties or the inclination to buy any. Bob was envious, but attraction overwhelmed any bitterness at his own balding. Besides, Teddy growing out his hair was a good sign of his improving mental health.

“Hey, Teddy! How was work?” Linda asked as she got Teddy a chocolate ice cream cone. They’d all go up to dinner after the evening rush, so Teddy had taken to having a snack every few days in the restaurant with Bob and Linda. Other days he’d head up to the apartment and spend time with the kids, letting them play with the things that he’d bring over from his storage unit. When the kids had to work in the restaurant for the rush Teddy would hang out with the whole family, and he’d even--very, very slowly--gotten to the point that he could take a few tables if it wasn’t too hectic.

“Ah, it was fine! We were really busy today, putting in the new bathrooms.” What had started as new flooring and violation repairs had somehow morphed into almost an entire renovation of the beloved local club. That was great news for Teddy and the other contractors, but it meant a lot more work for them all. Teddy was pretty worn out by the end of the night these days, but the grin on his face was genuine when he paid another bill or wrote a check to help with the rent.

Bob smiled himself at Linda and Teddy through the order window as they talked. He knew that his face was probably, as Louise would say, “gross with emotion” but he didn’t care. He was so lucky to have them both--and hopefully to _have_ them both in the near future. Teddy smiled back wearily, his eyes not as bright and sunny as usual.

“Did anything fun happen?” Linda handed Teddy his cone and her hand brushed his own briefly. Bob wondered if she would compare Bob’s hand to Teddy’s as Bob had compared hers to Teddy’s. If she would find both men’s hands special and unique, just as he had found her own in perfect balance to their best friend’s.

They _really_ needed to talk to Teddy.

“Yeah, I got a date!” Bob dropped his scrub brush in shock. He moved over to the grill, hiding his falling face behind the thin wall. “I met her at the job. Jill is a plumber and we got to talking while we put in the toilets. We’re supposed to go out this Saturday.”

Linda, to her credit, sounded mostly normal. “Oh, that’s--great, Teddy! That’s great!” Bob, on the other hand, was trying in vain to ignore the knot of upset settling in his stomach. Teddy was allowed to date, and it was great that he’d met someone who was hopefully nice. Teddy deserved to be loved.

‘But _we_ love him.’ Bob thought sullenly to himself as he picked up his scrub brush and all-but-attacked the grill. Bob was being childish and possessive, he knew. He also knew that similar thoughts were no doubt running through Linda’s head like wild raccoons. They hadn’t even had a chance to talk to Teddy!

“Yeah, I wanted to tell you guys as soon as possible.” Teddy said with an odd hesitation in his voice. “‘Cause, uh, in case you needed me to babysit that day.”

Linda answered for them as Bob scrubbed sadly at the spotless grill. “No, we’re fine, Teddy. Bob and I didn’t have any plans.”

Their only plans of late no longer mattered, after all--they couldn’t possibly tell Teddy that they were in love with him _now_. Not when he had a chance at a normal relationship with a nice woman. Why would he want to be with them, when he could be with someone who would prioritize him and only him? Why would they risk their friendship with Teddy just to spill their guts for their own relief?

“Well, that’s good! I was worried, see, because I know that I’ve been watching the kids on Saturdays so you guys can have an hour or two alone together. I didn’t want to, uh, throw a wrench into anything.”

Bob’s face contorted into something very similar to Tina’s “I feel absolutely awful but I can’t do anything about that” face. Before they’d talked about their feelings for Teddy, Bob and Linda had spent most of those Saturday evenings dozing on the couch while Teddy took the kids out or hung out with the three in the restaurant. Occasionally the elder Belchers made out, or just chatted. It was really nice to just talk to Linda without being constantly interrupted by one thing or another--or working their butts off.

For the last week, _after_ that specific night, they’d spent that free hour talking about their relationship and how to approach Teddy. They’d also continued making out, and actually did more of that than they had for years. If Bob had ever been worried that Linda loving Teddy would lessen her affection for him, he was completely assured by the way she kissed him as soon as Teddy and the kids said goodbye and left to go to Wonder Wharf or watch movies on the restaurant television.

But now…

What now?

Teddy didn’t look as happy as Bob expected when he finally buried his emotions well enough to take a peek out of the order window. Teddy was tired, certainly, but he looked disappointed, too. Maybe this Jill wasn’t the catch that Teddy was describing to Linda as other customers started strolling in for dinner. Maybe this _Jill_ was just another Denise in the making.

“Stop that!” Bob said for his spatula as he waited for Linda to put up the first order slips. “You're just being jealous, Bob! Teddy isn’t your boyfriend. You should be happy for him.”

“I know that, Spatula.” Bob answered as he grabbed Linda’s hand for a split second as she shoved an order slip into the clip with more force than necessary. Linda gave him a thin smile and squeezed back before turning away.

They hadn’t even told Teddy the truth yet and now they’d have to watch him date this Jill, or someone else, because they hadn’t acted quickly enough. Teddy would move out and get his own place again. They’d have to watch him laughing and sharing his stories with someone who wasn’t them, and there wasn’t anything fair or kind that they could do about that. 

Bob loved Linda as much as Tina loved horses or Gene loved music or Louise loved pranks. They would eventually get over this and they’d be happy again. They’d be happy for Teddy.

But damn if being happy for Teddy didn’t feel an awful lot like regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the most part, I try really, really hard to be as accurate to the characters as possible when writing. While this story is, as far as I'm concerned, an alternate reality to the canon Bob's Burgers universe, I still want to really embody the show in my writing. However, Teddy growing out his hair is almost-entirely because I like long hair on everyone. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ On the other hand, I did try to give a plausible reason for that as well.
> 
> As to the plot of this chapter, I feel dismayed at the twists, despite knowing how everything will fall out. I suppose that is a good sign; enjoying my own writing is often a rare treat for me. Rest assured, things will improve for Bobby and Lin. I just have to wring out more drama, first. XD


	9. "Throw Louise" Still Beats Arts and Crafts' Butts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the Belchers are bored on a rainy Saturday, inspiration strikes. Bob starts to hope again.

Saturday night found Bob and Linda trying--and failing--to keep the kids entertained. The weather was gross and wet, everything was stupid, and everyone was grumpier than usual. Bob groaned as the kids started up another game of “Throw Louise” despite Linda’s sharp reprimand.

“Come on, Dad! You’d be great at ‘Throw Louise.’” Gene said as he and Louise sprawled on the floor where they’d fallen after Tina had tossed her younger sister haphazardly towards their brother. “We could use more players.”

“Your mother said to stop.” Bob answered with a frown. His glass of wine sat mostly-untouched on the table which the kids had at least moved out of the way before starting their violent game. Linda had hers in hand, swirling the cabernet with a sour expression on her face.

Louise groaned to match Bob perfectly. “Well, then what are we supposed to do? I’m sick of homework!”

“How do you even have any left? You’ve been doing homework every free minute since the contest started.” Linda asked as she sipped her wine with none of her usual enthusiasm.

The kids all looked at each other with guilt in their eyes. If Bob hadn’t been so upset in general he might have finally interrogated them about their recent activities. As it was, he narrowed his eyes at Tina as she finally responded.

“Extra credit!”

“Yeah, extra credit! We’re going to get  _ such _ good grades this year.” Louise piped up with confidence.

Gene laid it on just as thick. “We’re totally going to win the contest and also your love, Mother Dear.” His puppy-dog expression at Linda did draw a small smile to her face, though it didn’t quite meet her eyes.

“You don’t have to win our love with good grades, Gene. I mean, I didn’t get good grades in school and look how I turned out!”

“Exactly! Who needs the cruel judgement of teachers anyway?” Louise was clearly gearing up to continue her diatribe against school so Bob cut in to save them all a difficult discussion about the inherent flaws of the American education system and why, despite that, they still had to actually make an effort in school and get decent grades.

“Well, you don’t have to do your homework but you can’t play ‘Throw Louise’ any more. You’re going to knock something over.”

“We moved the table.” Tina said as she sat down on the floor with her siblings.

Bob felt, for probably the millionth time, that he wasn’t doing enough for his kids. He couldn’t afford the coolest video games or personal computers for them. All of their games and toys were cheap or used. Louise’s room was a closet, for Pete’s sake!

And Teddy was eventually going to move out and the kids would go back to practically raising themselves. Bob quietly groaned again as a fresh wave of discontent swept over him. He felt like a failure and he missed Teddy.

“I miss Teddy.” Gene said as soon as Bob finished groaning. “He promised us he’d bring over his robot from his storage unit and we could help him fix it.”

Linda reached out to stroke Gene’s hair in empathy. “He’ll be back later tonight. He’s on his date, and we hope that he has a good time, right?” Linda glanced over at Bob as she spoke. Bob returned her look with a piss-poor attempt at a smile.

“Why does he have to go on a date, anyway? You guys don’t go on dates.” Louise said as she lay on her back kicking the air. “I wanted to see a robot’s guts.”

“Mom and Dad go on dates.” Tina said, picking at the lint on her skirt and then moving on to the carpet.

Gene frowned as he lay on his stomach and picked at the carpet in sync with Tina. “Not lately. What’s up with that?”

“We’ve just been busy helping Teddy.” It was mostly the truth, though Bob knew that there was more to his answer that they couldn’t share with the kids. Helping Teddy so often turned into talking or watching movies. Once or twice they’d tried playing “adult” board games, though each time had devolved into laughing at the tacky questions as they drank their booze and sat close together on the couch.

One particularly long day, they’d all three fallen asleep shoulder-to-shoulder for almost an hour, each one snoring softly. They’d only woke up when Gene had crept out to retrieve his keyboard from the living room and tripped on Teddy’s outstretched legs. That had been before Bob had figured out his feelings or his talk with Linda, but he still remembered how warm he’d felt sandwiched between Linda and Teddy. He was an anxious mess in general, but he’d almost been at peace then.

Remembering those spring nights was painful, now. Teddy wasn’t out of the financial woods yet, but he’d paid down enough of his debt that he’d probably be able to rent a small apartment before the summer officially started. He hadn’t said anything about moving out but, since they were helping him with everything, Bob and Linda knew that it was only a matter or time.

The thought made Bob sigh bitterly.

No one said anything for a moment with each Belcher lost in thought. The television droned on in the background, some cartoon or other playing that Gene had chosen before everyone had lost interest. A couple of board games were shoved in the corner next to the standing lamp. An attempt at Monopoly had ended quickly when an argument had broken out, and no one had the energy to play anything else.

“Well, I’m going to draw Teddy a picture.” Louise said as she abruptly stopped kicking and sat up. “We gotta convince him that dating is stupid and he should just stay here and play with us.”

Bob looked over at Linda. Linda looked back and then smiled wider than she had since Teddy had told them about his date. “You know what? So am I!”

“Really, Mom? You can use my crayons!” Louise said with excitement as she got up and rushed to her room. Bob thought to remind Linda about their promise to stay out of Teddy’s business. Teddy was a grown man and they’d had their chance; they’d wasted a whole week, and confusing Teddy at that point would be cruel.

But Teddy should be there with them. He should be playing board games and watching cartoons with  _ them _ . Teddy was like the cheese on a burger: the burger could be complete and even wonderful without the cheese, but a cheeseburger was always better. Their family burger was missing its cheese, and the other ingredients weren’t as great without it, in Bob’s mind.

Gene clearly agreed. “I’m going to write Teddy a song!” He ran to his room as Louise returned with her crayons and a pad of paper.

“T, you wanna draw Teddy a picture?”

“Sure, I’ll contribute. Teddy said that he had more of those old Teen Beat magazines for me.” Tina said as she got up and pulled the table back into position in front of the television. She and Louise sat on the floor and started drawing after Louise gave Linda a handful of crayons and a piece of paper.

Gene returned with his keyboard and his songwriting notebook. He took his usual spot around the table and got to work as well. Linda picked up one of the board game boxes and smoothed out her paper on the flat surface. Then she put the whole thing on her knees, reached down, and grabbed the other box. She held it out to Bob with a significant look of challenge.

“Hey, Louise? Can I have some crayons?” Bob asked as he took the box from Linda with a smile. Linda beamed back and started drawing.

Louise handed Bob some crayons without looking up, and Bob took them with hope blooming in his heart. They might not get Teddy to stay with them, but they didn’t have to give up that quickly. They weren’t being mean by trying to show Teddy how much they all loved him.

If they had any luck, The Teddy Belcher Cheeseburger would be a permanent menu item.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how well I wrote Bob's character in this chapter. He's fairly intelligent but not that verbose. I struggled with some of the words that I used for his thoughts, and even now I'm not entirely happy with how everything panned out. I intend to edit the story when it's all finished, but until then I'll just have to deal with the frustration.
> 
> Louise draws a lot in the show, so it felt natural to have her draw a picture to express her feelings. Gene and a song is a no-brainer. Now that I'm reviewing the finished chapter I wish that I'd written Tina as wanting to write a story (as that's her preferred medium) but it's not completely unfeasible that she'd draw, too.


	10. Picasso They Ain't But It's the Thought That Counts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Belchers stretch their creative muscles. Teddy returns from his date.

When it came time for bed, the mood of the evening had improved considerably. Louise was especially excited to share her drawing of Teddy as a robot surrounded by the Belchers and a dog (all also robots). Above the drawing she wrote, “Stay Home and Get to Be a Robot.” Louise was sure that they could make everyone robo-suits if Teddy brought over his robot and they could study the insides. Bob loved his kids terribly, especially when they let their imaginations run wild. The inclusion of the dog was a bit much, however.

“We’re not getting a dog.” Bob said with amusement when Louise showed him her work.

“We’re going to wear you guys down eventually.” Louise confidently replied as she started gathering her art supplies. Gene got up and stretched before picking up his keyboard and notebook.

“Well, I’m pooped! Genius takes a lot out of a guy.”

“What you’ve got sounds really great, Gene.” Linda said as finished her drawing and handed back Louise’s crayons. “How’s your story coming along, Sweetie?”

Tina had eventually given up on her drawing of them plus Teddy as horses. She’d been writing a “Family Fiction” story since throwing her drawing on the floor in frustration and deciding to focus on her usual medium. Linda had tucked the horse family under her own drawing when Tina wasn’t looking and would no-doubt place it reverently in the cardboard box with countless other mementos from the kids’ lives.

“It’s all right. I’m still working on the ending, but it’s coming along really well.” Tina capped her pen and stood up to join her siblings on their way to bed.

“Well, give me kisses and get going! Tomorrow we’ll show Teddy our work. We can even have brunch for the occasion!”

The kids finished grabbing their things and kissed their parents goodnight. They all looked so much happier than they had when Teddy had left them to a rainy evening inside. Bob felt a lot better too and Linda was almost back to her usual vibrant self.

Bob looked down at his drawing with a critical eye. He wasn’t as artistic as the rest of his family, but he did have a creative streak. He loved coming up with the Burger of the Day and he did love singing when he wouldn’t look like a dork. His drawing was just the family with Teddy in the restaurant, doing their usual business.

In the drawing, Bob leaned out of the order window with a giant grin while the kids worked in the booths and Linda stood behind the counter handing Teddy a plate of food. Above the whole thing Bob had written “Our Best Customer and Friend.” He remembered painfully how hurt Teddy had been before Bob would admit that Teddy was his closest non-Belcher pal. How ironic that now, when Teddy was so much more to them, they might lose him to being _just_ their customer once more.

“How did yours turn out?” Linda looked over at Bob’s drawing as she leaned back and picked up her glass, still half-full. “Oh, Bobby! That’s adorable!”

Bob smiled with a little pride. “Thanks. Yours is nice, too.”

Linda’s drawing was a riot of color with no discernable imagery except for a single psychedelic cheeseburger in the middle of a tie-dye background. Honestly, looking at it for too long made Bob’s head hurt a little, but Teddy would love it for sure. He lived in color and light like Linda did.

They sat there for a moment admiring their drawings and drinking the last of the warm wine. It was kind of amazing how much lighter Bob felt after such a crummy few days. He was just about to suggest that they cap off the night with snuggling in bed when they heard the door open in the foyer and Teddy’s heavy footstep on the stairs.

“Teddy! Welcome home! How was your date?” Linda exclaimed as she frantically shoved their drawings and Tina's into the Monopoly box. She thrust the whole box at Bob, who dropped them both next to the standing lamp beside the couch.

Teddy smiled at them when he came into view. He took off his cap with a sigh and ran a large hand through his hair, ruffling up the wispy strands near his temples. He sat down next to Linda on the couch when she patted the seat invitingly.

“It was great! We went to that deli I told you about, down the street from Wonder Wharf? We had subs and Jill told me all about her hamster.” Teddy looked cheerful enough, though he closed his eyes and leaned back into the couch as he talked.

Bob’s jealousy flared only a little. From what Teddy had said about her, Jill was perfectly fine. Besides which, the Belchers were going to win Teddy over and he’d be Bob and Linda’s boyfriend and the kids’ guardian and everything would be fine. Bob’s natural competitiveness started to take over his emotions as Teddy described his sandwich in minute detail, as well as every other aspect of his date.

“Well, I’m happy for you, Teddy! She sounds very nice.” Linda said with gusto as Teddy finally wound down. “Are you going out again?”

Bob saw Teddy give them a sidelong glance through his half-closed eyes. Bob couldn’t decipher what that look meant, though Teddy sighed again and got up slowly.

“I’m supposed to call her. I’ll probably do that tomorrow morning. That’s all right, right?”

“I guess? I haven’t tried to get a partner in a long time.” Bob said with a shrug. He hadn’t been the best at dating even before Linda. If she hadn’t smacked him in the face and gotten her ring tangled in his mustache, he probably would still be single to that day.

The idea made Bob infinitely grateful that he’d sported a full mustache since his late teens. Regardless, giving Teddy dating advice wasn’t going to help him with getting Teddy to date _him and Linda_ , so he didn’t want to say much more. They were walking a thin line between not hurting Teddy’s feelings until they could talk to him and not encouraging him in going elsewhere for affection.

“Calling her in the morning is fine. We’re planning on having brunch so we’ll wake you up early enough that you can call her before then.” Linda said kindly. She was doing better at hiding her emotions than Bob, which was surprising. Usually Linda was just as possessive of the people she loved. On the other hand, she also had more confidence than Bob; if she was sure that they could get Teddy to be theirs, she probably wouldn’t be as worried as her husband.

Teddy smiled down at Linda and squeezed her shoulder. Bob didn’t know why, but the other man looked a little sad. Was he upset that he didn’t know exactly how to date these days? He was probably just tired after a morning working at the job site, then helping out in the restaurant that afternoon, and a long date to finish out the day.

“Thanks, Bobby, Lin. I really, really appreciate ya both.” He took up his cap from the armrest. “I’m going to go get changed for bed, if that’s all right.”

“Of course, Teddy! We’ll get out of your hair, now that you have so much. Ha!” Linda joked as she got up and grabbed the empty wine bottle and the glasses. Bob got up as well and stood there awkwardly, trying to find something to say that sounded natural.

Ever since realizing his feelings for Teddy, Bob’s urges to comfort the other man had intensified. He was willing to forgo his usual aversion to physical contact for only the closest people, and Teddy was one of them. Even more than that, being in love with Teddy had given him more of an appreciation for Teddy’s brand of physical affection. It was similar to Linda’s but more steady. Where Linda would squeeze you tight enough to hurt only to twirl away in her own fantasy world, Teddy held on. Linda was the ocean wind, fast and intense. Teddy was the ocean waves, consistent and strong.

Bob was getting much too mushy.

“Well, good night, you two.” Teddy said as he headed to the bathroom. Bob watched Teddy walk away and cussed in his head as his brain finally caught up with the moment.

“Good night, Teddy!” Bob said with force.

“Yeah, good night! Don’t forget brunch tomorrow!” Linda said and nodded vigorously at Bob in approval. She’d obviously been lost in thought as well.

Teddy turned around to gently laugh at them. “Oh, I’ll be up. I wouldn’t miss a Bobby Brunch for anything.”

Bob smiled soppily at Teddy’s retreating form and then impulsively grabbed Linda’s free hand to squeeze. They’d show Teddy their work in the morning and the kids would soften him up. Then, after brunch, maybe they’d finally be able to talk to Teddy and tell him how much they wanted him to be a part of their family for real. To spend every Sunday with them, eating brunch and letting them love him.

Somebody needed to love Teddy, and Bob was going to make sure that those somebodies would be the Belchers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having so much fun with this story because every chapter another cliché or trope presents itself and I laugh with glee. I hope that my readers are as amused as I am. I promise that I do have an end in mind, and I'm getting relatively close to that, but the words tend to take on a life of their own.


	11. I Don't Think That Pancakes are OSHA-Compliant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bob makes brunch. The family makes plans.

Bob and Linda got up early and woke Teddy as promised. Teddy, still in his pyjamas, stumbled down the stairs to make his call to Jill.

“I don’t want to wake the kids.” He said with a yawn as he opened the door to a still-drizzly morning. Bob threw down Teddy’s slippers and they landed with a soft thump at Teddy’s feet. Teddy called his mother and his therapist regularly--now that he could afford to see his therapist again--and always went outside if the conversation was likely to be long or loud. The Belchers had gotten in the habit of throwing down his things when Teddy inevitably forgot his cap or shoes. Doing so beat hearing Teddy either calling up the stairs for help or clomping back up to get whatever he was missing. Months later, everyone was an expert in at least hitting the floor close enough to Teddy so that he could grab whatever item and step outside.

“Thanks, Bobby!” Teddy said as he put his slippers on and Bob stood at the top of the stairs.

“No problem. Brunch will be ready in a bit.” Bob headed to the kitchen to start cooking. He took great pride in all of his cooking but he did have his favorite meals to make. Brunch was one such treat for Bob, probably only beaten out by Thanksgiving. And Thanksgiving was only once a year; if Bob wanted to, he could make brunch every week.

This meal was special, too. They’d had brunch several times since Teddy had moved in, but not since Bob and Linda had talked about their feelings for Teddy. This meal would be, along with their drawings, the tangible proof of their love for Teddy.

“I wish it was Thanksgiving. That would be even better.” Bob muttered as he hummed to himself while he worked. He was making buttermilk chocolate-chip pancakes (Gene and Teddy’s favorites) when Linda came in with a frown on her face.

“Bob, do you remember what we did with our drawings? I can’t find them.”

Bob flipped a pancake into the air and grinned at the sight before answering. “You put them in the Monopoly box.”

“I looked there and in the Pictionary box. They’re not in either.”

Bob slid the pancake onto the pile by the stove and turned to Linda, his smile fading.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure, Bob! I mean, I’m pretty sure.” Linda’s face twisted in confusion. “We did have a whole bottle of wine, but we weren’t  _ that _ drunk.”

“You put them in the Monopoly box when Teddy got home.” Bob said anxiously. The kids making crafts for Teddy was cute, but the bigger plan fell apart without Bob and Linda’s contributions. They’d hinged so many of their hopes, even if they were being silly, on those damn drawings.

“Yes, Bob, you said that. And I told you, they’re not there!” Linda’s voice rose and Bob made a shushing gesture. He darted his eyes to the kitchen door. The kids were still asleep and Teddy could walk in at any moment.

“OK, you go look around the living room. If you can’t find them, you have to corner the kids when they get up and tell them to hold off on showing Teddy their projects.”

“Why me?” Linda replied with annoyance.

Bob gestured to the pan of sausage gravy bubbling on the stove next to the griddle. “I’m making brunch. But if the kids show Teddy  _ their _ stuff, they’re probably going to spill the beans on  _ ours _ . Tell them that, that--” Bob thought hard for an excuse that would appease the kids, especially when they’d been so excited to share their talents.

“Uh, tell them that we decided to put Teddy on the lease and that has to be a secret so Mr. Fischoeder doesn’t find out until our lease is up and also we’re going to surprise him and their projects will be perfect for that.” Bob said quickly as inspiration struck.

Linda blinked at Bob and then her face turned thoughtful. “That should work. They’ve been really good about avoiding Mr. Fischoeder, so keeping up their spy game should be enough of a draw.”

“Even if we do find our pictures soon, we could actually surprise Teddy with the new lease.” Bob mused as he turned back to his cooking.

“Well, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. I’m going to go look around. I’ll keep you in the loop.” Linda kissed Bob on the cheek and left to go back to her search.

Bob smiled at Linda as she left and then went back to flipping pancakes, scrambling eggs, and stirring gravy. Although he’d thought of the idea in the spur of the moment, it made sense. They’d already discussed putting Teddy on the lease when they’d first confessed to each other. Bob and Linda had planned to wait until they’d had a chance to talk to Teddy about their feelings, but the lease itself could be an even better way to show Teddy how they felt.

“Bob, you want to do Linda’s plan.” Bob made the golden pancake on his spatula say with a mischievous tone. “You want to sing and dance and hug Teddy and kiss him!”

Bob whispered for both sides, but he still looked around to be sure that he was alone before he answered. “Maybe I do, Pancake. But first we need to get to the end of our lease.”

“That’s only a few weeks away!” Pancake answered. “And what if he and Jill become a couple?”

“...Well, if that happens, we’ll be happy for Teddy. But that  _ won’t _ happen if we can make it to the new lease period without alienating Teddy.”

Just then Tina walked in. Bob quickly placed the pancake on the pile and thanked his lucky stars that Tina was the least observant of their kids unless Gene was “Gene-ing out.”

“Mom told me what’s going on. My lips are sealed. I mean, they’re not because I’m talking, but I’m not going to tell anyone.” Tina said to Bob with a knowing wink.

“Thank you, Tina.”

“Do you really think we can keep avoiding Mr. Fischoeder until our lease is up, though? We haven’t been to Wonder Wharf in weeks.” Tina said as she started setting the table. “Louise will crack if she can’t ride the Scramble Pan soon.”

Bob pulled the biscuits out of the oven to cool before answering. “I promise, if we can pull this off, we’ll take you all to Wonder Wharf when summer break starts. Even if you don’t win the competition.”

Bob hoped that Tina would take his bait and tell him how they were doing in Mr. Frond’s homework contest. Gene and Louise walked in then, shooting their sister matching looks of warning, and Tina clamped her mouth shut. Bob saw the exchange but Linda and Teddy followed close behind the younger kids and Bob lost his chance to learn anything.

“Wow, that smells great, Bob!” Teddy said, taking a giant sniff of the air. Teddy was really good about giving compliments and Bob smiled in gratitude.

“Well, sit down, everyone. I came up with a new gravy recipe and I want your opinions.” Bob started serving up the food with a flourish. As he passed a plate to Linda, Bob raised an eyebrow in question. Linda winked back and Bob just hoped that that meant that she’d had a chance to warn Gene and Louise as well.

As the meal progressed, Bob was relieved to be proven right--for once. The kids slipped up once or twice and nearly told the secret, but Teddy seemed too focused on eating to notice if Gene mentioned a “special song project” or Louise kicked Tina under the table more than usual. The kids asked about Teddy’s date but neither they nor Teddy seemed all that interested in talking about it beyond a few comments that Jill was sweet and that Teddy had missed his breakfast spot by the water and so really enjoyed his sandwich there.

“Are you going to go out again?” Tina asked politely around a bite of pancake.

Teddy swallowed his bite of biscuits and gravy to answer Tina with a small smile. “Yeah, we’re going to get an early dinner on Wednesday after we get off of the job site. I know that Wednesday nights are the slowest nights at the restaurant, so I figured that was OK.”

“You don’t have to schedule around us, Teddy.” Linda replied kindly.

“Aw, I don’t mind. Besides, I like hanging out at the restaurant and helping sometimes.”

“Dad, don’t you think we should move up the plan?” Louise whispered to Bob next to her as the talk around the table moved on to other things. “Teddy might  _ marry _ Jill and then when will I get to see his robot? He was going to show me how to use a floor-sander!”

“Louise, hush.” Bob whispered back with a glance at Teddy across the table. Teddy was immersed in a pancake tower-making contest with Gene and didn’t look back. “Teddy isn’t going to marry anyone after two dates. And he’ll show you his robot even if he does get married.”

“It’s like you don’t even want Teddy to stay with us!” Bob could hear the hurt in Louise’s retort and he had to punch down the urge to confess right there at the table.

“I do, Louise. But you know how Teddy is. He’ll really appreciate a big show of emotion.”

He’d also probably think that Bob was messing with him if he confessed now. Plus, Bob and Linda still hadn’t told the kids what was going on. They’d been too upset when Teddy had first told them about Jill, and then they’d had a busier weekend than expected for late spring. Last night they’d all been so involved with their art projects that the elder Belchers hadn’t even thought to take advantage of the Teddy-free time to talk to their kids.

“Well, I’ll wait--for Teddy. But you owe us big. Wonder Wharf big.”

Bob smiled at his youngest. Louise was so predictable and, at heart, so sweet.

“Like I told Tina, we’ll take you kids to Wonder Wharf when we’ve got everything figured out with the lease and with Teddy. I promise.”

Louise poked Bob’s thigh under the table. Bob put out a pinkie, and Louise entwined her own little finger with Bob’s. Their pact sealed, Louise joined Linda and Tina in cheering on the contestants. Bob watched as well, waiting for the disaster to follow as Gene piled little pieces of pancake precariously high on his plate. Teddy’s pile was shorter, but his technique was better. Teddy had years of experience with bricklaying and similar construction skills, whereas Gene mostly just had enthusiasm on his side.

Bob decided that, for once, he would let his anxiety go--or at least he wouldn’t tell them to stop. The family had given brunch sincere compliments so Bob was feeling generous. He was hopeful that everything would go according to plan with the Teddy situation. Everyone was having so much fun and a little chaos now and then wasn't the end of the world.

Bob would just make Gene and Teddy clean up the mess.

Bob went back to eating with love in his heart and a grin on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have different ideas for smaller plot points in this story, but the ending is pretty much finished. I do need to go back and figure out a specific timeline if only to appease my own concerns about when events are happening. I'm also still watching Bob's Burgers daily to keep the characters fresh in my mind.
> 
> One issue that I'm having is that this story is not only about romance, but is also about healing and how having a real support system can truly help people. The problem arises when there's two (or more) possible directions for a scene: one more in-character canonically and one more in-line with the kinder universe that I'm creating here. I hope that I'm doing an acceptable job of staying true to the characters while giving them an easier time in life.


	12. Spar-nday Also Sounds Like Nonsense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bob and Linda look for their drawings. They come to another decision.

To Bob’s surprise, neither Gene nor Teddy’s pancake tower fell. Gene’s pile  _ did _ wobble dangerously until Bob called the contest in his favor if only to end the chance of a mess. Gene whooped in delight and started shoveling his scraps into his mouth at mach speed. Teddy laughed and admitted defeat with a hearty pat on Gene’s back when the boy choked in his haste to finally finish his pancakes.

The family ate the rest of brunch while listening to Teddy tell a winding story about the first time that he worked on scaffolding and how pancakes compared to scaffolding as building materials. The kids even reluctantly helped clean up when Teddy promised to take them to his storage unit later in the day. Teddy was better at bribing the kids than their parents, probably because he was a kid at heart, too. Also Teddy had power tools.

After cleaning up, the family lazed about the house digesting about twenty pounds of carbs each. Bob and Linda looked around the living room as casually as possible, trying to find their drawings. Unfortunately for them the kids managed to agree on a movie to watch and so there was no excuse to send them to their rooms until they left for their outing.

Instead, everyone watched  _ Don’t Count Out the Ham and Egger _ when Gene insisted on seeing the bad  _ Rocky _ ripoff that Teddy, Tina, and Louise loved. Bob groaned throughout, both because he was frustrated and because it was a dumb movie. Everyone else, though, was clearly riveted. Even Linda!

“Shush, Dad! I wanna see if Ham and Egger wins the championship!” Gene said as he sat much too close to the television in his excitement.

Bob loved his family, but that didn’t mean that he had to love Ham and Egger.

The kids mercifully chose not to put on the sequel when Teddy brought up their trip to his storage unit during the credits. Bob sent Teddy a look of gratitude and Teddy winked with a grin. Everyone but the elder Belchers left in a hurry with Louise pulling on Teddy’s arm all down the stairs with Gene and Tina following.

Bob and Linda poked more thoroughly throughout the apartment while they had the time. They checked their bedroom, the kitchen, and the living room from peeling top to dusty bottom. Bob even looked under the refrigerator in case the drawings had somehow found their way into that dark strip of space. The grime there unnerved Bob and he was glad to stand up empty-handed, his knees creaking.

“Oh, a piece of candy!” Linda exclaimed later on as she looked under the couch with Bob lifting one side for better light.

“That’s great, Lin, but can you hurry?” Bob huffed.

“Sorry, sorry. Nope, they’re not here.” Linda grabbed the candy and sat back as Bob dropped the couch with relief. “It’s like they grew little legs and walked right out of here!”

“You did ask the kids if they took them, right?”

“I did! None of them saw them. There’s no reason for them to lie.” Linda’s eyes behind her glasses were befuddled.

Bob sighed and sat down on the couch. Linda joined him and unwrapped the chocolate to pop into her mouth. It really was as if their hard work had simply vanished.

“I guess we just need to draw new pictures or focus on some other way to show Teddy how we feel.” Bob honestly felt silly that they were going to this much trouble anyway. It wasn’t like they’d bought Teddy a new tool or something. All they’d done was draw for an hour or two.

Linda swallowed and shrugged. “We can surprise Teddy with the lease and the kids can give him their gifts. That should be enough, don’t you think?” Then she lit up. “Oooor we could go with my first idea!”

“We’re not doing a music video, Lin.” Bob said, though he chuckled and put an arm around Linda to hug her close. Their planning session was cut short by the arrival of their family returning with as much noise as the raccoons in the alley on trash day.

Each child came up the stairs with one or two things in various states of disrepair. Teddy was grinning behind them with his toolbox in his hand.

“Teddy’s going to show us how to fix all of this!” Gene exclaimed eagerly as he showed his parents a rusty toaster.

“Be careful, you guys. I don’t want to have to run anyone to the emergency room today.” Bob said seriously.

“Don’t worry, Bobby! I’ll make sure the kids stay safe.” Teddy laughed as Louise threw half of an action figure at Tina. “We only brought home the easiest stuff to repair.”

Bob remembered how much absolute junk that Teddy had. Teddy had hoarder tendencies, as the Belchers had learned over the years, and they still hadn’t been able to convince the handyman to get rid of much. Bob had forbidden anyone from grabbing anything from Teddy’s storage unit that didn’t have a specific use. Any item that didn’t find its place within a week had to go back. So far his rule had kept the apartment from being overrun with broken chairs and waffle makers.

Teddy’s daily things, on the other hand, had found natural homes throughout. His toothbrush was in the cup with everyone else’s and Gene allowed Teddy to keep his clothes in his closet since Gene’s room was closest to the living room. Teddy’s few books and magazines were stacked next to the couch. Teddy kept his cell phone and other smaller items in a basket next to his books and the kids were respectful enough to leave them alone. All in all, Teddy didn’t take up that much space--as long as he didn’t bring home too much trash.

“Well, be sure to clean up after you finish. I don’t want to step on any more screws.”

“Sure, sure, Dad! We get it, you want to stifle the creative spirit. Come on, guys!” Louise dragged her siblings behind her and the three trooped into the kitchen with Teddy close behind. Bob shook his head in amusement and picked up the Sunday paper from the floor where Linda had tossed it during their search. Linda went to the bookshelf to choose a Dunlop mystery, then sat back down next to Bob to read with frequent quiet exclamations at the story’s progression.

The two read for some time, the calm broken by the kids in the kitchen now and then. Once, they heard Teddy gently admonish Tina for turning her screws too tightly.

“If you tighten them too much, they’ll be even harder to get out if you have to fix it again. Besides, you might strip the screws and then  _ you’re _ screwed, haha!” In the kitchen the kids groaned at the wordplay. Bob smirked as he turned a page of his paper.

Linda finished a chapter and held a finger in the book to hold her place.

“We have to tell the kids before we do anything.”

Bob turned another page of his paper. “Yeah, we do. They’re already antsy because of avoiding Mr. Fischoeder. Besides, we can’t spring the Teddy situation on them.”

“We can tell them Wednesday when Teddy is on his date.”

“Yeah, that was my plan.” Bob looked towards the kitchen where tinny sounds of a working robot toy were mingling with excited exclamations from the kids. “I really hope they take it well.”

“They’ll be fine, Bobby. Like I said, our kids are pretty smart. Maybe not book-smart, but smart-smart, you know?”

Bob smiled at Linda as she went back to her book. “Yeah, I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently rewatched "Thankshoarding" and Damn does that episode hit hard. Like I've said, this universe is kinder than the canon that we see on the show, but much of the history remains the same for the characters. Thus, Teddy here is still working on a lot of trauma, just like Bob and Linda. Honestly, all of the adults on Bob's Burgers could probably benefit from therapy.


	13. If They Split, Louise Wants a Banana Split

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bob and Linda tell the kids the truth. The kids give their opinions.

After dinner on Wednesday Bob and Linda lured the kids to the living room with bowls of ice cream. They didn’t always have dessert and ice cream was a treat--even store-brand with miniscule flecks of chocolate trying to pass for “chips.” The elder Belchers sat on the couch with the kids spread out around them. Louise claimed the only chair so Tina and Gene sat on the floor with their bowls held protectively in their hands.

“OK, I need you kids to pay attention. Your mom and I have to tell you something really important.” Bob said quickly in the small lull of the kids eating. His stomach hurt and he’d already gone to the bathroom half a dozen times that day. Bob was terrified to tell the kids that he and their mother were in love with Teddy.

If they weren’t OK with that, Bob and Linda would have to move on. Bob wasn’t a very open guy but he’d kill for his kids. If that meant killing his feelings for Teddy then so be it.

“Are you dying?” Louise asked, laying in the chair and licking her spoon.

“What? No.”

“You _are_ in the mafia!” Gene exclaimed in excitement.

“Why is that always your go-to?”

Gene shrugged. “I like Italian food.”

“You’re not getting divorced, are you?” Tina asked nervously. She had barely touched her ice cream. Bob felt awful for scaring her.

“Of course not, Tina.” Linda said firmly. “Why would you be worried about that?”

“Well, when Madeline Maxwell’s parents broke up they bought her and her brother ice cream from an actual ice cream parlor. I thought maybe this was the poor person’s version of that.”

Linda smiled at their eldest. “No, Sweetie, we’re not getting divorced. And I promise, if we ever do, I’ll get you nice ice cream. Or maybe gelato!”

“Lin.” Their confession was getting off-track and prolonging Bob’s anxiety.

“Sorry, sorry.”

Bob took a deep breath to try and lessen his frustration. It didn’t work. “No, kids. We’re not dying, or getting a divorce, or in the mafia.”

“That’s just what a mob boss would say!”

“Gene, hush.” Linda gave their son a warning look, then patted Bob’s arm gently. Bob appreciated the support, even if Linda was almost as bad as the kids.

“Your mom and I wanted to talk to you about Teddy.”

Louise interrupted and stabbed her dripping spoon at her parents as she spoke. “ _I_ want to talk to you about Teddy. When are you going to put him on the lease and tell him to stop seeing Jill?”

“We can’t just tell him to stop seeing Jill, Louise. He’s a grown man.”

“So? He’d stay home if you told him to.” Louise shoved a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth with a significant look at her father. That look always made Bob uncomfortable; like Louise could see right through him and found him disappointing.

Linda spoke up and spared Bob having to defend himself against Louise’s visual accusation. “ _Actually_ , our news is related to that.”

“Well, spill, girl!” Gene said from the floor.

Bob and Linda looked at each other in hesitation. They’d rehearsed this talk half-a-dozen times since Sunday. That wouldn’t make the actual act any easier, they were quickly learning. Linda drew in a breath, then smiled brightly at the kids as she finally answered.

“Do you know what polyamory means?”

“Is it a kind of bug?” Louise asked with interest.

“Or food?” Gene asked as soon as Louise finished.

“Uh, no to both of those.” Bob replied uneasily.

“Polyamory is the practice of engaging in multiple romantic relationships but not, like, cheating. Right?” Tina recited calmly. She had a look of dawning understanding on her face.

“Exactly, Tina! Very good! How did you know that?” Linda said with enthusiasm, clapping her hands in approval.

“I was doing research for a friend-fiction.”

Gene plopped his bowl on the coffee table and leaned over to wave a hand in his parents’ faces. “Wait, wait wait. You can have _two_ people buying you stuff?”

“It’s not really about that--” Bob began. He nudged Gene’s bowl farther away from the edge of the table as Gene cut him off.

“Says you! I could get twice as many Chunky Blastoffs with two Valentines.”

Louise snorted as she ate her treat. “Gene, you don’t even have _one_ Valentine.”

“I have one! I have Mom.”

“Of course you do, Gene.” Linda ran a hand through their son's hair as she confirmed her place as Gene’s favorite person. Bob would have found it sweet if he wasn’t about to have a coronary (or poop his pants) from stress. They had to get back on topic!

“Guys, focus!”

Gene at least had the decency to look contrite. “Sorry, Dad.”

“Besides, if you had two Valentines you’d have to buy twice as many gifts.” Tina had finished her ice cream by this point, as she hadn’t been interrupting like Gene and Louise. Now that she had no other distractions, she apparently wanted in on the discussion at hand.

Bob was about to lose his already-rapidly-evaporating cool.

“Oooo, that’s a good point.”

Bob cut Gene off. “Look, the reason your mom and I wanted to talk to you kids is that-” He petered out as he lost his nerve.

“We want to--” Linda couldn’t continue either. They’d practiced and practiced and so much for all of that. Maybe Linda’s idea of a video _would_ have worked out better.

It was too late for that now. The kids didn’t interrupt again and they looked at their parents expectantly. For all of their quirks, the Belcher children were good kids and finally picked up on the gravity of the situation.

“Want to what?” Tina’s voice was gentle as she watched her parents struggle.

Bob closed his eyes and steeled his nerves. If he could humiliate himself for Tina or sneak into a planetarium for Gene or poop in public for Louise, he could tell his kids the truth. Bob opened his eyes and looked around at his family as he answered.

“We want to ask Teddy to be our boyfriend.”

“You like Teddy? Like, like-like him?” Gene asked. He didn’t look angry or upset, just curious. Tina was smiling slightly, which was a good sign. Louise looked annoyed, which worried Bob.

“...Yeah, we do. We both do.”

“So why are you letting him date Jill?” Louise asked while she aggressively scraped the bottom of her bowl. Was that why she was upset? Relief flooded Bob and he smiled at his youngest.

“Again, Louise, we can’t make Teddy stay home. And we didn’t want to tell him until we’d told you guys.”

“Aw, you’re asking us for our blessing.” Tina’s smile grew as she teased her parents. Linda grabbed Bob’s hand and squeezed.

“Kind of! We just didn’t want to spring anything on you kids.” Linda said cheerfully.

Bob felt like he had to further clarify a few points for the kids. Just to be sure. “We still love each other.”

Louise snorted again as she leaned forward to snag a spoonful of Gene’s ice cream from his bowl on the table. “Well, duh. You guys have been more touchy-feely than usual. It’s sick.”

“Louise.” Linda gently chided.

“Are you guys really OK with this?” Bob asked while Gene grabbed his bowl and curled around it with a hiss at his sister. Bob was almost a little offended at how little the kids seemed to care. He’d worked himself up for nothing!

Tina shrugged as she swirled her spoon in her bowl. “I’m going to have to change the ending to my story, but otherwise I’m cool with it.”

“This is great! If you guys date Teddy he’ll want to compete for our affection. More candy for me!” Gene said, quickly eating up the rest of his ice cream to keep Louise from stealing any more.

Louise didn’t answer for a moment. Her face was half-angry, half-excited. Bob would never admit it to the other kids, but Louise’s opinion of him mattered the most to the man. If Louise wasn’t all right, Bob would be crushed.

Linda squeezed Bob’s hand again, the only sign that she was as nervous as him. “Louise?”

Louise finally looked up at her parents with a fierce smile. “I’m the one who’s been trying to get the ball rolling on keeping him here! Of course I’m fine with you guys dating him as long as you don’t get mushy in front of _me_.”

Bob felt like crying or throwing up. Gratitude welled up in his mind. He’d have to really save up to give the kids an amazing time at Wonder Wharf.

Bob didn’t deserve such amazing children.

“Thank you, kids. We, uh, love you very much.”

“Swell. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go scheme. I need to change a few things with my drawing.” Louise hopped down from the chair and grabbed her bowl.

“No problem, Sweetie.” Linda said as Louise gestured at her siblings to follow. Tina and Gene got up as well.

“We’re going to go to bed, too. I want to work on my story.”

“Yeah, I’m going to have to remix my song now. It’s going to need a _lot_ more trumpet!”

The kids said “goodnight” and kissed their parents before filing into the kitchen to deposit their bowls in the sink. Bob didn’t hear rinsing and he honestly didn’t care. The man was drained and just couldn’t devote any energy to chastising his progeny for such a tiny thing.

Especially when he was so grateful to them right then.

Bob and Linda leaned back on the couch in sync, their hands still clasped tightly. They’d have to go to bed at some point; otherwise Teddy would have nowhere to sleep when he got home.

But for now, for just a bit more, they could just breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was difficult to write because I wanted to be sure that I was keeping in character for everyone. I also didn't want to write an extra-long chapter, but that desire didn't entirely pan out. I'm aiming for around twenty chapters to this story, but I'm trying really hard to be flexible. I want to be open to change and to write organically.


	14. They're On a First-Name Basis With the Fire Chief Already

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time moves towards the end of school and the end of the Belchers' lease. An unexpected visitor arrives.

The next few weeks moved like cold molasses for the Belchers. The kids were sick of school, the homework contest, and anything even remotely related to either of those things. When asked, they’d just grumble about “dumb rules” and “stupid contests” and change the subject. The three adults generally agreed that the kids probably weren’t going to win the contest and also that whatever con that they’d been running wasn’t going well.

Well, Bob would be able to comfort them with a trip to Wonder Wharf when school let out for the summer. He wouldn’t be able to afford as much as Mr. Frond and his gift certificates, but they’d be able to go on a few rides and play a game or two each. And if everything went right with Teddy, they’d probably be so happy about that to not mind Bob’s measly offerings. Hopefully. Maybe.

As for Bob, his major concerns were getting to the new lease without running into Mr. Fischoeder first and planning to confess to Teddy. He was getting as excited about the preparations as Linda and the kids, though he still vetoed anything too crazy. Teddy loved big productions like Linda, but Bob was still wary about embarrassing himself or causing damage to the building. On the other hand, every day Bob fell deeper in love with Teddy and Linda both, his feelings for one amplifying his feelings for the other.

Bob was officially smitten, as Tina’s romance novels would say.

Besides which, Bob and Linda were working against Teddy and his growing relationship with Jill. Teddy was still seeing his fellow contractor, though he’d yet to bring Jill by the restaurant to meet the family. Bob and Linda were anxious at how things were progressing, but assured each other that Teddy couldn’t be that involved if he hadn’t brought Jill over to show her off. Teddy was a pretty insecure guy and he wouldn’t pass up a chance to prove that he wasn’t a loser. If Teddy hadn’t brought Jill by, he couldn’t possibly think that they were serious.

Still, Bob worried every time that Teddy left to go on a date and sulked if Teddy was out late enough to cancel plans with the family. Teddy still spent most afternoons with the kids or in the restaurant. He spent his evenings with Bob and Linda working to keep his affairs in order, but he occasionally begged off if he had a date or was tired from a long day on the job.

The Wiggle Room renovations were almost done, and the mysterious benefactor of the project apparently wanted everything finished before July, so the whole team was in overdrive. Teddy worked from early in the morning to late afternoon, then hung out in the restaurant smiling wearily at the family as they served customers around him.

Teddy still helped out once in a while if he wasn’t too tired, and he was actually not awful any more after months of practice. He wasn’t a _great_ server but he was passable, and Teddy more than made up for his errors with enthusiasm and friendliness. The kids loved working with him as well because it meant less work for them. They also put in slightly more effort, if only to not be outdone by Teddy and his inexperience. The restaurant was doing better than usual due to the improved morale, and they were actually putting a little money away.

If Bob didn’t know that Teddy had a date nearly every week without someone who wasn’t him or Linda, he would have been nearly content.

They were so close, too! Their lease was up next week and they’d miraculously managed to keep Teddy’s residency a secret from their landlord for months. Mr. Fischoeder tried to avoid nearly all responsibilities (which definitely helped the Belchers in avoiding _him_ ), but he did make a point of sitting down with his tenants in person to renew their leases. If no one ran into the eccentric millionaire before then, they’d be able to add Teddy to the lease and stop having to hide. The kids could go back to Wonder Wharf finally.

The children were especially antsy to tell Teddy and not just because of Wonder Wharf. Bob and Linda had had weeks to get used to the idea, but their kids had had less time to calm down and just had less patience overall. Each child had finished their gift for Teddy, though Bob caught them tinkering now and then. Tina especially kept rewriting parts of her story in trying to make it perfect. Bob understood completely. Although they did half-ass a lot of their lives, the Belcher kids were scarily tenacious when it was about something that they actually cared about.

“They get it from you, you know.” Linda said in a teasing tone the Sunday before their meeting with Mr. Fischoeder on the following Wednesday. The kids were hiding out in Tina’s room to “study for last-quarter tests.” Bob and Linda knew that they were discussing their part in the plans for Teddy. Teddy himself just assumed that they were making one last push at the homework contest.

Since the family didn’t have anything else planned for the day, Teddy took the opportunity to go to his storage unit and to do some organizing. With everything that he and the kids had fixed over the last few months (and then given away or sold), his hoard of junk had shrunk considerably. Although Teddy would probably struggle with his hoarding for the rest of his life, at least he could manage the problem better now.

“Get what?” Bob asked as he read the paper on the couch. Linda was working on the list that she’d made with ways to confess to Teddy. Bob’s heavy lines littered the page, crossing out a myriad of options. Linda (and the kids) kept coming up with new ideas. Bob didn’t have the heart to spoil their fun even though they finally had a rough plan in hand.

The Sunday next, after Bob and Linda put Teddy on the lease, they’d cook brunch. Then, they’d bring out the kids with their gifts as an opening act. Finally, Bob and Linda would sit Teddy down and tell him the truth. Linda was still gunning for a song and was working with Gene on that. Bob wasn’t opposed to singing a _little_ , but costumes and pyrotechnics were right out.

They didn’t find their drawings and the kids swore that they hadn’t taken them. Bob and Linda both were disappointed, but they opted to not draw new ones. Something about those first drawings had been so special--so spontaneous. New drawings wouldn’t have the same magic. Instead, the elder Belchers focused on what they would say (or sing) and tried to forget the happy restaurant scene and the psychedelic cheeseburger.

If Teddy rejected them or just didn’t want to stay, they’d still have until the next Wednesday to change their lease back. Mr. Fischoeder was bizarre and selfish, but he was actually something of an outlier when it came to his dealings with his tenets. He’d admitted that he wanted to be their friend before, and he gave them a week grace period to alter their leases after signing them every year. The Belchers hadn’t ever had to take advantage of that perk before and Bob truly hoped that this year wouldn’t be the first time.

“Perfectionism.” Linda answered as she scribbled in her pad with. “You get weird about stuff.”

“I do not.” Bob huffed indignantly.

“Oh, really? Mr. Thanksgiving.”

Bob turned a page of his paper. “Thanksgiving is the most important holiday of the year for a cook. I’m not being weird by doing my best.”

“Come on, Bobby, it wasn’t an insult.” Linda said as she added stars around one of her newest ideas. “I think it’s sweet that you care so much.”

Bob’s agitated mood softened. Maybe he _did_ get a little weird about some things. His family. Cooking. His shows with Louise. Passion wasn’t a crime.

“Well, they get their flair for the dramatic from you.”

Linda snorted, completely at ease. “I know! My little Shakespeares. I’m so excited to see their finished projects.”

“Me, too.” Bob said with a smile. “I just hope that they listen to us and don’t spill the beans before we can.”

The doorbell cut Linda’s reply short. Who would be coming over on a Sunday afternoon?

“Someone’s at the door!” Louise shouted from Tina’s room.

“Thanks, Louise.” Bob called back flatly.

“Don’t open it, Dad! It could be the mafia!”

“Gene, it’s not the mafia.” Bob answered his son as he got up to answer the door. It was probably Gayle with some new (and annoying) problem that only Linda could fix. Bob sighed as he made his way down the stairs and to the door.

When he opened it, he really, really wished that it _was_ Gayle.

Mr. Fischoeder didn't look any happier. “Hello, Bob.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm definitely going to go back and edit this chapter some when I'm done with the story. I'm not happy with the length or some of the paragraph transitions. I do like the general vibe, though.
> 
> Also, dun dun dun! A cliffhanger! Mr. Fischoeder isn't a red herring!


	15. Are Golf Carts Even Street-Legal?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bob and Mr. Fischoeder go for a little drive. They come to a compromise.

“Mr. Fischoeder! Hi, what--what are you doing here? We paid the rent. Early, even!” Bob tried his damndest to not sound terrified and failed completely. Mr. Fischoeder looked at Bob with his one stormy eye and frowned.

“Yes, you did. In fact, you’ve paid your rent early for the last few months, haven’t you?”

“That’s not bad, is it?”

“That depends. Why don’t we go on a little drive so we can discuss this _aberration_?” Mr. Fischoeder gestured towards his golf cart on the street. Bob had some relatively good memories of riding in that cart and relating to Mr. Fischoeder on a more-even level. Those memories were rapidly fading as the idea of going on a “little drive” with Mr. Fischoeder right then filled Bob with dread.

“Actually, Mr. Fischoeder, it’s Sunday and I’m spending--”

Mr. Fischoeder cut him off curtly. “Now, Bob.”

“Yep, yep. Let me just go get my phone and tell Linda where I’ll be.”

“Don’t be too long.”

Bob closed the door behind him and rushed up the stairs. Linda was still working on her list, oblivious to the panic coursing through her husband and cheerfully humming to herself. Bob leaned down to frantically whisper in her ear.

“Linda! Linda!”

“What? What’s wrong?” Linda asked loudly as Bob startled her.

“Shhh! Mr. Fischoeder is downstairs! I think he knows about Teddy!”

“Oh my God!” Linda gasped in shock. She clutched Bob’s arm to steady herself.

Bob grabbed his flip-phone from the table to shove into his pocket. He wasn’t going _anywhere_ with Mr. Fischoeder without a way to contact Linda. “He wants me to go on a drive with him.”

“Should you jump out of the window?” Linda sounded completely serious, and Bob actually contemplated the idea for a moment. The height wasn’t _that_ bad, was it?

“Maybe. No, no, he’d probably just send the carnies after me.”

“What do we do?” Linda looked sick with worry. She still had Bob’s arm under her hand. The pressure was comforting as Bob tried to calm his racing heart. He had to protect his family.

“I have to go with him.”

“If he throws you in the ocean I’ll avenge you, Bobby!” Linda’s voice cracked with emotion. Bob smiled in spite of their predicament. Mr. Fischoeder probably wouldn’t drown him. No, Mr. Fischoeder would just evict, that was all.

“Thanks, Lin.”

Linda’s mind was clearly treading the same path as Bob’s. “He’s going to kick us out for sure!”

“No, I’ll figure something out. I’ll-I’ll offer to be his cook. That might work.” Bob said with forced confidence. Mr. Fischoeder had, on a few memorable occasions, eaten Bob’s food. Although the eccentric man hadn’t been particularly complimentary, he’d come back to demand Bob’s services more than once. That had to count for something, right?

“Oh, Bob! We’re in so much trouble!”

“I know.” Bob sighed as he gently pried Linda’s hand off of his arm. He stood up and Linda followed to fling her arms around his neck. Bob hugged his wife back and they stood there for a moment, taking strength from each other.

Mr. Fischoeder’s voice wafted up through the door below, faint and menacing. “Bob! I’m getting impatient down here! I do suggest that you finish saying goodbye.”

Bob squeezed Linda tightly one last time. “Crap! OK, I love you and the kids. If I’m not back in an hour, tell Teddy that I love him, too.”

“Are you joking?”

“Yes. Maybe. I’ll be back, it’ll be fine.” Bob said with as much sincerity as he could. He marched down and out the door with Linda at the top of the stairs, watching and wringing her hands. Mr. Fischoeder was already seated in his golf cart and raised an eyebrow at Bob as he silently closed the door behind him and got into the passenger seat.

“There you are! I would have been very annoyed if I’d had to come retrieve you.”

“Uh, yeah. Sorry.” Bob didn’t really know what to say beyond that. Mr. Fischoeder started the cart and drove slowly towards Wonder Wharf. As they rode, Bob tried to think of any of the excuses he and Linda had put away for this exact situation. Unfortunately for the cook, every possible justification melted like cheap cheese in his mind.

“Now, Bob. Let’s talk about your sudden show of punctuality in paying your rent.” Mr. Fischoeder said with a dangerous cheer in his voice as they turned a corner. Bob gulped and threw out the only thing that he could think of. It was also true, so that lent energy to his voice.

“We’re doing really well at the restaurant.”

“Is that so?” Mr. Fischoeder sounded entirely unimpressed. Considering that the Belchers’ landlord knew more about their finances than most people, that made sense. “And Mr. Theodore has nothing to do with that, does he?”

“Teddy is--”

Mr. Fischoeder cut Bob off gruffy. “Can the excuses, Bob. I know the handyman is sleeping on your couch.”

“That’s, that’s nonsense!” Bob chuckled nervously. Maybe if he just denied any accusations as pathetically as possible Mr. Fischoeder would give Bob a break.

Mr. Fischoeder was apparently out of bones to throw. “Really? I suppose the fact that he’s been seen standing on your stoop in his little peasant pyjamas multiple times is merely a coincidence, then?”

Bob and Linda had bought Teddy a new set of sleepwear as a welcoming present when he’d first moved in. They were the same striped kind that Teddy liked, though of a _slightly_ nicer material than Teddy’s old set. They had been on sale, too.

“Hey, those are nice pyjamas!” Bob said indignantly. He immediately regretted his outburst as Mr. Fischoeder gave him a “gotcha” smirk.

“That hardly helps your case.”

The thin thread holding Bob’s emotions in check snapped. If they were all going to end up on the street because Bob was such a failure, at least he’d find out who snitched. Someone would pay dearly for ratting them out when they were just trying to help a friend.

“You know what? _Fine_ , fine, he is. Teddy is sleeping on our couch. Who told you?”

“I’m not a snitch, Bob.” Mr. Fischoeder sniffed with disdain. Bob ignored him.

“It was Jimmy Pesto, wasn’t it?”

“I’m not at liberty to say--but yes.”

_Of course_ Jimmy Pesto squealed. Teddy tried to be discrete, but he was just too big and too loud to miss. Of course Jimmy Pesto would have seen him when he’d make his calls in front of the building or going up to the apartment much too late to be visiting.

Bob was _pissed_. “I’m going to kill him.”

Mr. Fischoeder wagged a finger in Bob’s face. “Ah, ah, ah! Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. First, you need to make right by _me_.”

“Look, Mr. Fischoeder, I’m sorry, but Teddy got evicted and he had nowhere to go. We were going to put him on--wait, wait, wait.” Suddenly Bob remembered something. “Aren’t you Teddy’s landlord, too? Why did you evict him? He wasn’t that far behind on his rent!”

That wasn’t actually true, but Bob was too angry to be impartial. Teddy was doing so much better now, living with them, but he admitted to missing his house now and then. Besides, Teddy was candid with how he felt like a failure in losing his home. Bob got really defensive when it came to his family--and Teddy was Bob’s family, even if he didn’t want to be his boyfriend.

“Calm down, Bob.” Mr. Fischoeder sounded completely unruffled. It only aggravated Bob more on Teddy’s behalf. “I had nothing to do with Teddy’s predicament. I sold his house last year.”

That brought Bob up short. Mr. Fischoeder turned a corner smoothly as Bob processed that new information.

“Wait, really? Why?”

“I have a...personal project in the works.. I sold off my least-profitable properties to some company or whatever to raise the funds.” Mr. Fischoeder said as they waited at a red light. The landlord looked over at Bob with a shrug. “Teddy’s house was one of my least-least profitable.”

“Teddy is a great guy!”

“Honestly, I don’t care. Teddy was chronically late on his rent--much like you, actually--and I needed the money.”

Bob needed to focus less on defending Teddy’s honor and more on trying to save his family’s future. Mr. Fischoeder was not a kind man but Bob _could_ reason with him to an extent. Maybe Bob’s body hair--the spitting image of Mr. Fischoeder’s father’s own, apparently--would help his case.

Bob adjusted his arms to be as visible as possible as he replied. “Oh. Well, I’m sorry that we kept him a secret from you. I would have told you, but you won’t let us change our lease in the middle of the lease period.”

Mr. Fischoeder sounded hurt. “I thought we were better friends than that, Bob.”

Bob wisely chose to refrain from mentioning the multiple times that Mr. Fischoeder had almost gotten the Belchers killed or maimed over the years with dangerous park attractions and wild animals. Mechanical sharks and wolves were in the past and not getting kicked out of their home was the priority.

“I am _really_ sorry, Mr. Fischoeder.” Bob decided to appeal to Mr. Fischoeder’s ego; that usually worked. “You know that I--I think of you like, uh, a father, right?”

Mr. Fischoeder looked over at Bob, a small smile on his face. “Really?”

“Kind of. A weird, rich father with a very nice suit.” Bob said as he smiled back.

“It _is_ a nice suit, isn’t it?”

“It is! And I want to make things right and put Teddy on the lease. I can even pay any back-rent.” Bob hesitated before continuing. “Uh, we’ll probably be late with that, though.”

Mr. Fischoeder’s smile faded slowly. “But what about my reputation? I can’t have my tenets thinking that they can break their leases all willy-nilly.”

Bob could tell that his landlord was softening up. Mr. Fischoeder had his baser desires, too, and flattery was one of them. Bob tried not to let his emerging relief show.

“Well, what do you want? To not evict us?”

Mr. Fischoeder didn’t answer for a while. Bob sat quietly impatient next to him as they drove up to Bob’s own door, their drive over. Mr. Fischoeder parked and finally answered Bob’s question.

“Hmmm, I suppose that I do have an idea. I want you to cook at my personal project when it’s ready. Remember, I’ve had your food before and it’s really quite good--for poor people fare, of course.”

Bob was surprised. Although he’d suggested the very thing to Linda earlier, he didn’t actually think that Mr. Fischoeder would want him to cook for him again. Every previous attempt had ended badly. Then again, Mr. Fischoeder did keep coming back to involve the Belchers in his hair-brained schemes, so maybe the older man did honestly like Bob’s food.

Either way, being Mr. Fischoeder’s cook (as long as it wasn’t full-time or a permanent position) didn’t _sound_ all that awful.

“That’s it?”

Mr. Fischoeder laughed and Bob felt the dread returning. “Oh, don’t think that I’m letting you off easy. I won’t be paying you, and I’ll be demanding your services until I hire a real kitchen staff.”

That wasn’t ideal but it wasn’t the worst outcome to the whole mess. The family would get to keep their home and they would keep Teddy with them.

Those two things were worth way worse than having to work a little harder for a while.

“Uh, when do you want me to start?”

Mr. Fischoeder shooed Bob out of his cart, his long fingers fluttering impatiently at the cook. Bob got out and stood awkwardly in front of his door.

“I’ll call on you when I need you, Bob. Think of it, perhaps, as an offer that you can’t refuse.”

“Oh, God.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I watched the newest episodes of Bobs Burgers just recently and thus I'll definitely be going back to edit some when I finish the story. I feel like I have the general vibe of the characters down pretty well, but I need to sharpen some of the subtler nuances (like Bob being irresponsible with daily tasks, for example). On the other hand, "alternative reality" is pretty much my rallying cry when it comes to fanfiction. Animated sit-coms don't always have the most consistent characterization, as well.


	16. Close the Front Door; You're Letting the Love Out!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bob tells the family what transpired between him and Mr. Fischoeder. There's another unexpected arrival.

Bob watched as Mr. Fischoeder drove away completely before he tore open the door and ran up the stairs and into the living room. Linda wasn’t there and Bob called out to his wife.

“Linda! Linda, come out here!”

“Bobby! Oh, thank God. What happened?” Linda said as she came out of their room, her eyes red. She’d clearly been crying. Bob grabbed her shoulders and twirled them around joyfully. Then he leaned in to tell her the good (and somewhat-threatening) news.

“We’re in the clear! Mr. Fischoeder isn’t going to evict us!” Bob grinned wide as he spoke. “He wants me to cook for some new project of his until he hires a kitchen staff so that stinks, but he won’t kick us out. And he’s going to let us put Teddy on the lease!”

Linda’s frown disappeared like the kids did when it came time to bus tables at the restaurant. She hugged Bob tightly and laughed with relief. “Bob, that’s great news! I was so worried.”

“Hey, what’s all the noise out here?” Louise asked as she wandered into the living room munching on a pretzel. Tina and Gene followed her as they emerged from Tina’s bedroom after a long afternoon working. “Why does Mom look like she’s been blubbering?”

“Kids, Mr. Fischoeder knows about Teddy.” Bob said as a preface, but the children immediately interrupted with panic on their faces.

“We didn’t tell!” Tina exclaimed, her eyes wide behind her frames.

“We swear! Who’s Mr. Fischoeder anyway? I don’t know any Mr. Fischoeder.” Gene said as he crinkled the pretzel bag in his hands.

Louise, ever the opportunist, spoke next. “If we get kicked out I get the front seat of the car! The rest of you can share the back.”

“Maybe Teddy will let us sleep in the back of his truck.” Tina said sadly.

Gene perked up at that. “We can use tarps as blankets!”

Bob was too happy to be annoyed at the usual interruptions. Instead, he let go of Linda to face the kids fully. Bob stood close in front of the window where his twirling had taken him and Linda. His family crowded around him to hear the news and Bob took advantage of the second of silence to explain.

“Jimmy Pesto told Mr. Fischoeder.” Bob began as he stood up straight to look as patriarchal as possible.

“That rat!” Linda’s voice was as angry as Bob’s had been when he had learned the truth. She clenched her hands at her side and Bob tried to continue to calm everyone’s fears.

“That doesn't matter right now.”

Louise’s face was livid. “Yes it does! We need revenge!”

“Revenge can wait, but right now--”

“Wait, we’d only be getting revenge on Jimmy Pesto, right?” Tina said uneasily. “I mean, Jimmy Junior didn’t do anything.”

“Tina, we aren’t going to hurt--”

“Or Andy and Ollie.” Gene added as he shoved pretzels in his face. Food was Gene’s comfort and the boy was more resilient than his older sister.

“Look, we’re getting off--”

“Maybe we can recruit them to help us. Deal with some daddy issues.” Louise mused as she put a finger to her chin.

“Kids, we don’t need to--”

“Trev would probably help, too!” Linda cut Bob off with excitement in her voice. “Jimmy Pesto treats him like trash, too.”

“Hey!” Bob shouted. He was still happy but his family, as much as Bob loved them, did have a way of bringing out the frustration in the man. “All of you shut up!”

“Bobby--” Linda began but Bob spoke over her, loudly.

“Mr. Fischoeder isn’t going to evict us. I’m going to have to cook for him for a while, but he’s not going to kick us out.” Bob’s grin tilted into a slight grimace at that but he sped on to avoid any more interruptions. He didn’t want to spend the next hour trying to talk.

“We can put Teddy on the lease. Your mom and I will tell Teddy that we’re in love with him and you kids will give him your gifts and hopefully he’ll break up with Jill.”

Bob took a breath and raised his voice in gleeful malice. “Finally, we’re not getting revenge on Jimmy Pesto until we tell Teddy what’s going on because I want him to help!”

Linda and the kids cheered. Bob looked around at his family in triumph and then his mouth fell open in shock.

Teddy smiled at Bob from the living room entryway, his eyes bewildered and panicked.

“Uh, Hi, Bobby. The front door was open.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've looked at so many pictures of the Belcher home to try and make sense of the layout. I can only hope that my research isn't completely wasted. If anyone or anything seems out-of-place, please feel free to let me know.
> 
> I originally planned for this chapter to be a lot longer and to include the aftermath of the reveal. However, I really want to give the aftermath room to breathe and to grow naturally, so that'll be next chapter(s). I love accidental love confessions in requited love stories.


	17. Could Picasso Even Do This Well?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids try to salvage the situation. Their efforts are heartfelt, if derivative.

Bob and Teddy looked at one another for what felt like years. Teddy clenched and unclenched his hands, the way that he did whenever he was stressed. Bob continued to gape like a fish.

Teddy’s hair was tied back with a black elastic tie from the set that Bob had given him weeks ago. The handyman was covered in dust and grime from working in his storage unit and he’d stripped down to his white undershirt at some point. Teddy wasn’t as heavy as before, as he’d taken to running around with the kids a lot, but he wasn’t nearly as skinny as he had been when Bob and Linda had first asked him to move in.

To Bob, Teddy was beautiful.

Bob closed his mouth abruptly.

The kids saying “No thoughts, heady empty” actually did make a lot of sense.

“Oh my God, Dad! You ruined the surprise!” Louise’s voice, offended to the highest degree, cut through the tension. “How hard is it to close a door?”

“I was in a hurry!” Bob snapped at his youngest as he finally tore his eyes from Teddy.

“Wait, we can fix this!” Tina exclaimed as she raced towards her room.

“Great idea, T!” Gene said as he followed. “I’ll grab your pictures, Louise!”

“I’ll get Mom’s maracas!” Louise ran into her parents’ bedroom, that door _also_ still flung open from earlier. The three adults didn’t speak as Teddy walked slowly into the living room and stood a few feet away from the elder Belchers. Bob opened his mouth to say something--anything--when Louise came back out with Linda’s maracas in her hands.

“All of you sit on the couch. Teddy, you sit in the middle.” Louise poked her parents and Teddy with the maracas until they complied. Gene and Tina returned with Gene’s keyboard and two notebooks. Tina handed Louise one of the notebooks and the three Belcher children spread out evenly behind the coffee table with Louise in the middle.

“OK, since Dad spilled the beans, we’re going to do a speedrun version of our _original_ plan.” Louise glared at her father for a moment before continuing. “Tina, go ahead.”

Tina began to read her story, with musical asides by Gene. Louise held up drawings for different parts and shook the maracas at especially suspenseful scenes. Her one drawing had exploded into an entire notebook.

Tina’s story was basically the _Winthorpe Manor_ television show except with the family, Teddy, and their various friends as the characters. Bob was honestly surprised at the effort that the kids put into their production--at least until he remembered that his children were insanely creative as long as no one told them what to do. They did make their own Halloween costumes most years, and each child had their specific area of expertise.

Still, Bob was amazed at what they’d managed. “When did you have time--”

“Dad, shush.” Tina interrupted a scene where Theodore The Manor Handyman was wooing Robert the Cook while Linda the Lady's Maid cheered them on from the shadows.

“Why do I have to be a maid?” Linda whispered to the two men beside her as Tina continued. She gulped and looked guilty when Gene shot her a look of warning.

Gene had, in fact, added in more trumpet to his music. Bob could pick out parts of Gene’s original composition in the “score” of the story and actually enjoyed how well the whole thing worked together. Sometimes Gene relied a little too heavily on his keyboard’s novelty sounds, but he’d (mostly) reigned in that impulse for this presentation.

Louise’s pictures were the icing on the cake. The kids had cast themselves as the ladies and lord of the manor and Louise drew everyone with a colorful flair. There were also several dogs.

“We’re not getting a dog.” Bob said as Tina finished up a paragraph extolling the virtues of the manor hounds and how much the Ladies and Lord appreciated their love and protection.

“Dad, shush!” Louise snapped.

The story wasn’t long and Bob could tell when Tina skimmed over parts. Louise flipped over some of her pictures without showing them and Gene fumbled once on a cue that Tina skipped in her narration. The overall plot was fairly similar to many of Tina’s stories though she thankfully kept everything in the G-to-PG range.

Linda and Teddy made various comments and compliments throughout. Bob praised a particular part where Robert’s Thanksgiving meal was so delicious that the evil Governor Fischoeder didn’t repossess the manor. Tina did include a subplot where her self-insert got proposals from several young men but she was tactful enough to leave most of that to the imagination.

As the story wound on, Theodore wooed Linda and Robert on accident, they eventually professed their love, and then Lady Tina, Lord Gene, and Lady Louise promoted them all to stablehands (which were somehow the highest class of servants in the story). Tina wound down reading with a glowing description of the horses that the three raised until Louise elbowed her to wrap things up.

The kids ended their production by singing Gene’s song, retooled to fit the _Winthorpe Manor_ theme tune and with more overt pleas for Teddy to dump Jill and stay with the family. Louise held up her original drawing as the song swelled. The robot family (and robot dog) now had old-timey hats but were otherwise still mechanical.

“So, thoughts? Are we ready for Broadway?” Gene asked as the adults clapped and cheered when the final note died. Bob glanced over at Teddy as the blond man stamped his feet in approval. Teddy looked less bewildered but just as panicked. To his credit, Teddy was clearly trying his best not to freak out in front of the kids and Bob loved him even harder for that.

“That was wonderful, kids!” Linda said as she clapped. “Wasn’t it wonderful, you two?”

“Oh, yeah! I loved the part where, uh, Theodore fixed the Manor Robots for Lady Louise. Gene, your intermission music was great, too! And Louise’s pictures of Robert and Linda--they’ve, ah, never looked better!” Teddy said with a wobbling smile.

“Yeah, that was really great. Thank you, you three.” Bob said sincerely. Although the cook was intensely worried that they’d managed to scare Teddy--the _one_ thing left that they didn’t want to do--the younger Belchers had put their heart into their contributions and Bob’s own heart swelled with affection for his progeny.

“OK, now your turn.” None of the kids pressed for more praise, which was bizarre but not entirely unexpected given the circumstances. Louise shoved her siblings in front of her as they left their parents to their part of the plan. Gene winked at the three adults and Tina smiled warmly, the two elder Belcher children carrying all of their materials and props.

“Put my maracas back later, Missy!” Linda directed at Louise's retreating back.

“Yeah, yeah! Get to work!” Louise answered over her shoulder as she disappeared around the hallway corner.

In that first second of quiet after a door closed somewhere in the apartment, Bob sincerely considered jumping out of the window after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am having so much fun with this story. I'm loving watching Bob's Burgers for research and I'm loving all of the warm-and-fuzzy feelings that go with this show. Even at their most one-dimensional and stereotypical the characters on Bob's Burgers are still more rounded and just a lot nicer than so many of their contemporaries.


	18. This is the Mushy Part and Louise Wants No Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bob and Linda come clean. Teddy makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a much longer chapter than previous chapters, so be aware of that.

“Teddy--” Linda began. Bob would have kissed her in gratitude if Teddy hadn’t been in the middle of them. Both Belchers turned to lock eyes over their friend, who sat with his hands clenched on his thighs and his head hanging low. Linda took a breath to continue but Teddy cut her off.

“I haven’t been going out with Jill.” Teddy looked up at Bob with tears in his eyes. “Jill is real! And we did go on a couple of dates.”

Teddy swiveled between Bob and Linda as he spoke. “She was really nice! But--but she told me she could tell that I wasn’t really interested in her. So we stopped going out.”

“Oh, Teddy. I’m sorry.” Linda touched Teddy’s arm in sympathy.

“She said--she said I talked a lot about someone else. So much that maybe I needed to think about why I talk about them so much.”

Bob felt sick. Was Teddy about to tell them that he was already in love with somebody else? Oh, God! This was a disaster after all!

“Then where have you been going?” Bob asked through the bile rising in his throat. Maybe if he stopped Teddy from telling them _who_ , then Bob could pretend that they could be happy. For just a little longer.

Teddy looked ashamed as he wrung his hands in his lap. “I’ve just been going to my storage unit and hanging out. I didn’t want you guys to think I was a loser. I guess I, uh, didn’t think that plan through.”

“Teddy, you’re not a loser.” Linda said firmly. “Dating isn’t easy! I almost married _Hugo_ just because I was lonely!” Linda’s laughter sounded forced to Bob’s ears.

Teddy still smiled a little at the woman beside him, so that was still a win in Bob’s book. Even if he was feeling awful, he was trying _so_ hard lately to not let his own bitterness taint anyone else. Up until that afternoon, Bob had been pretty proud of himself.

Now he just wanted to throw things through Jimmy Pesto’s windows.

“Though that’s not the only reason that I didn’t tell you guys.” Teddy said as his smile disappeared. He took off his cap and squeezed it in his hands.

“What do you mean?” Bob asked. Teddy looked as miserable as Bob felt which just made Bob feel worse.

“I told Dr. Marjorie what Jill said,” Teddy explained slowly, wringing his cap nervously. “And Dr. Marjorie said maybe I should examine why that ‘activated my fight-or-flight response.’ So I thought about it. I thought about it a _lot_.”

Linda began to gently rub Teddy’s arm as he talked. The movement seemed to calm him a little and he continued in a thick voice.

“I finally figured it out. I, uh, I’m in love. And I haven’t really been in love since Denise, so I didn’t really recognize it at first.”

Bob bit back the groan behind his teeth. _There_ it was. He and Linda had been so focused on Jill that they’d completely missed any other rivals for Teddy’s heart. They were going to lose him because Bob was a failure at _everything_!

“I’m in love with you two.”

Wait, _what_?

“What do you mean, you’re in love with us?” Bob asked as his brain went haywire. He was having a _very_ stressful afternoon, after all.

“I’ve always kinda had a crush on Linda. And I guess I’ve always kinda had a crush on you, too, Bob.” Teddy said quietly, nothing like his usual boisterous self. “But you were so happy together and just seeing you together made _me_ happy!”

Linda kept rubbing Teddy’s arm but she looked behind his back at Bob as the handyman stopped to breathe through his nose. Linda’s eyes were wide and a grin was growing on her face. Bob didn’t dare to return her smile. Not quite yet.

“I was happy just to be your friend. But then I got evicted and you didn’t seem to notice but then you found out and you were so nice to let me move in.”

“We love you, Honey. You’re our friend.” The words, the exact ones that Linda had spoken months ago, held so much more weight in them now.

“Yeah, but, uh, living with you guys just made me like you more. Getting to see you every day, and spending time together, and spending time with the kids--it’s sorta like having a family of my own.”

“Teddy, we _are_ your family.” Bob said, echoing his own words from that night when Bob had finally seen the truth about his feelings for his best friend. Bob still meant every word and he was beginning to hope again that they would remain true.

Teddy began to cry in earnest then. Bob still wasn’t great with physical affection (especially when everything was so intense right then) but he patted Teddy on the back as Linda continued to pat Teddy’s arm.

“I spent my entire first date with Jill talking about you guys and how great you are!”

“Well, we _are_ awfully amazing!” Linda said cheerfully.

Teddy looked up with tears and snot running down his face. It wasn’t attractive at all though Bob smiled at the handyman anyway.

Maybe this wasn’t such a disaster.

“Teddy, how much did you hear me say?” Bob asked as Teddy wiped his face and nose on his shirt. It was gross but Bob didn’t want to get up to get him toilet paper. The Belchers weren’t tissue people.

“Pretty much everything.” Teddy said as he kept crying, though the tears fell slower after that first waterfall. “The front door was wide open.”

“Yeah, I forgot to close it when I got home.” Bob said and stopped patting Teddy’s back. Bob instead lay a hand on Teddy’s arm to mirror Linda.

“You were willing to get evicted for me? You told me everything was fine.” Teddy sniffled.

“Things _were_ fine! Until they weren’t.” Linda said as she leaned over to grab one of Teddy’s shirts that was laying on the chair next to the couch. She held it out to Teddy and then resumed patting and rubbing his arm when he grabbed it to blow his nose.

“I couldn’t live with myself if I got you kicked out!” Teddy said and began to cry harder again.

“It’s fine, Teddy! It’s fine!” Bob had gotten over his annoyance at Teddy’s displays of emotion well before he figured out that he was even in love with the other man. It helped that Teddy’s outbursts had lessened a lot since he had moved in with the family and also started going to his therapist regularly.

So Bob was able to ignore the impatience creeping into his thoughts and focus on Teddy. “We’re not getting kicked out.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m just going to have to cook for Mr. Fischoeder for some new project of his for a while.” Bob said as casually as he could. Teddy might still consider that an awful punishment, depending on his feelings on his former landlord.

“Oh. Well, that shouldn’t be too bad.” Teddy said and stopped crying so damn hard. “But you shouldn’t have even risked it!”

“We decided to take the risk. You were worth it.” Bob said emphatically. Linda nodded vigorously in agreement.

Teddy tilted his head and grinned at Bob with tears still making tracks down his cheeks and into his stubble. “Ah, Bobby. Lin.” Teddy turned to Linda and gave her the same melting smile.

“We’re in love with you, too. Teddy. Both of us.” Bob muttered, still embarrassed by his feelings.

“So be happy and stop crying, you big beautiful baby!” Linda said with a laugh.

Teddy laughed too, though he hesitated before he replied. “But what about the kids? Or people like Jimmy Pesto?”

“The kids are fine with it. You saw their story.” Bob said, grateful to be over the first emotional hurdle. “As for Jimmy Pesto and people like him, they can go to Hell for all I care.”

“Bob, I’m not going to let you ruin your reputation for me.” Teddy looked stern as he spoke and Bob was momentarily stunned by just how hot that was. “People in small towns talk.”

“Let ‘em talk!” Linda cut in. She leaned in to Teddy and batted her eyelashes at him. “ _Although_ , keeping you to ourselves might not be a bad idea.”

“Lin, focus.” Bob sighed.

“Sorry, sorry.”

Teddy had a hilarious look on his face: half-afraid and half-ecstatic. Bob smirked; teasing Teddy was a lot more fun when everyone was in on the joke.

“We can be discrete.” Bob said as Linda sat back but never stopped patting Teddy’s arm. “Well, we can try.”

“We had a whole production planned to tell you, too! To go with the kids’ story.” Linda said suddenly. “We drew pictures and everything! But Bob and my pictures must have grown wings and flew away because we haven’t seen them since the night we drew them.”

“Wait, pictures?” Teddy said as he began to dig in his pockets.

“Yeah, Bob drew a great scene in the restaurant and I drew a psychedelic cheeseburger.” Linda explained and glanced over at Bob with an eyebrow raised as Teddy held up his billfold in triumph.

“Look!” Teddy pulled three creased pieces of paper from his bulging wallet. They had been folded several times to fit in the small pockets and Teddy carefully unfolded all three to spread them out on his knees.

Tina’s...interesting horse family was on the right. On the left was Bob’s scene. In the middle lay Linda’s cheeseburger, as headache-inducing as the night that Bob had first seen it.

“How did you find these?” Linda asked as she picked up her picture to look it over.

“They were in the Monopoly box.”

“I knew it! Bob, I told you I put them in the Monopoly box!” Linda crowed in victory.

“I said that you did.” Bob was only a little annoyed. He was just glad, probably to a foolish degree, to see his picture again. He’d worked so hard on it. That Teddy had kept it as a memento just made that crinkled drawing even more precious.

“Why do you have them, Teddy?” Linda continued her questions as she looked over at the other two pictures on Teddy’s legs. The blond man smiled down at them and gently smoothed the papers over his knees.

“Sometimes the kids will leave things for me in the board game boxes. I thought that these were from them. Louise especially likes to play Monopoly since I let her make up rules.”

Bob snorted. “I won’t let her.”

“Yeah, she told me.” Teddy said cheerfully. “So they’ll leave drawings or feathers or whatever.”

Linda smiled softly at Teddy. She was so beautiful, even more when she was in a good mood.

“They do that for us, too. They usually just give us the things, though.”

“Gene thought it would be fun if we played like we were pirates, you know? Hiding treasure?” Teddy said and his grin turned guilty. “And, uh, sometimes I leave them candy in return.”

“You probably shouldn’t do that, Teddy.” Bob said, though he smiled as well. “Especially since Linda already sneaks the kids candy.”

“I do not!” Linda said indignantly.

“Oh, really? So Gene’s never-ending supply of Razzamatazzes magically refills itself?”

Linda had the good grace to look as guilty as Teddy. “Well, a little candy never hurt anyone.”

Bob laughed. He really, truly laughed. He loved his wife. He loved his best friend. He loved his kids so much.

Bob laughed until his sides hurt. Linda and Teddy joined in and they laughed until Bob had to wipe his eyes. He wasn’t crying, damn it! He was just so _happy._ Only marrying Linda, the births of his children, and opening his restaurant compared.

“OK, we’ll sort out who gets spoiling privileges for the kids later.” Bob said with a sigh as he finished composing himself. “But for now, I have a question for Teddy.”

“What is it?” Teddy asked. His eyes and face were red with crying and his shirt was spotted where he’d used it as a towel. Teddy’s cap and the extra shirt had fallen on the floor. The pictures were still laying on his knees, though Linda had folded her own back up and put it on the coffee table.

Bob would face anything for the five people in that apartment with him.

“Can Linda and I kiss you?”

“What?” Teddy asked blankly.

“If you don’t want us to, that's all right.” Bob deflated, but only a little. He’d assumed that Teddy would want that part of a romantic relationship but if he didn’t they’d work with that. Bob was too relieved that Teddy wanted _any_ part of a romantic relationship with them to be too disappointed.

“No, no! I do want to kiss you! I do!” Teddy said frantically as he picked up the pictures from his legs to put them on the table in front of them. “I just--I gotta be honest, Bobby, this is like, several dreams coming true right now.”

“Well, pucker up and let’s see if the reality lives up to the fantasy.” Linda said lightly, leaning in. She closed her eyes and waited patiently for Teddy’s response.

Teddy looked over at Bob with fear in his eyes. Bob smiled and made a little “go ahead” gesture.

“Are--are you sure?” Teddy asked, even as he inched closer to Linda.

“Yes, Teddy.” Bob sighed, letting the tiniest bit of frustration show.

“Because I don’t want to, like, cause any problems between--”

“It’s fine, Teddy. I’m the one who asked, remember?”

“I know, I’m just worried--”

“Teddy, kiss my wife so you can kiss me!”

“OK, OK! Calm down, Bob.” Teddy replied, getting heated himself. Rather than continue to interrupt, Teddy turned to Linda and closed his eyes. Their kiss was innocent enough, but Bob was thrilled to hear the happy little hum deep in Linda’s throat as her lips met Teddy’s. They pulled apart after a long minute, though Linda’s hand lingered on Teddy’s arm even as they separated.

Linda opened her eyes and grinned. “Well, I don’t know about you, Teddy, but I’d say that was definitely dream-worthy!”

“Yeah, that was really nice, Lin.” Teddy said, rubbing the back of his head bashfully. “Really, really nice.”

“OK, now kiss Bobby!” Linda playfully pushed Teddy’s arm.

Teddy turned to Bob and his smile shrunk to a worried line.

Bob huffed in impatience, closed his eyes, and closed the distance between himself and Teddy in a second. This had been so much easier with Linda! She’d always been the more assertive one in their relationship. Ever since she smacked him in the face all those years ago. But Bob would take the initiative now, if that’s what it took to show Teddy that Bob wasn’t lying.

When his lips met Teddy’s, Bob unconsciously mimicked Linda’s hum of pleasure. Teddy’s lips were chapped and his technique needed work (being single for years would make anyone rusty), but the overall sensation was comfortable and warm. And familiar.

Kissing Teddy was enough like kissing Linda that Bob’s usual unease with new experiences didn’t surface. At the same time, kissing Teddy was different enough to be exciting, like coming up with a really good Burger of the Day.

It was really, really nice.

“All right!” Linda exclaimed as the two men broke apart and grinned at each other. “That’s the spirit. We’re definitely gonna have more of that on the menu!”

“Sick!” Louise’s voice startled the adults from the entryway.

“Hey, you’re the ones eavesdropping.” Bob said, shrugging. The kids were crowded around the corner, jockeying for position to see what was going on. “How long have you kids been there, anyway?”

“Only a few minutes. We were worried when we didn’t hear anything.” Tina explained as the three came out into the open.

“Yeah, we were going to handcuff Teddy to the coffee table to make him stay if we had to.” Gene sat down on the floor across from Linda. Tina sat across from Teddy, and Louise lay down to kick her legs in the air across from Bob.

“Well, you don’t have to do that. Teddy’s going to be our boyfriend.” Linda said and grabbed his hand.

“What about Jill?” Tina asked with the faintest note of worry in her voice. Tina was too romantic to just disregard a woman who might have been scorned.

“Jill and I broke up and she’s fine.” Teddy said as he grabbed Bob’s hand and squeezed. His face was all-over smiles, even through the dust. “She’s seeing one of the electricians on the jobsite now.”

“And you’re not going to move out?” Louise sat up to pin Teddy with her special “do what I want or _else_ ” glare. “You’re going to live here with us?”

Teddy’s smile softened. He really did love the kids, too. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Well, now that that’s settled, let’s start talking candy.” Gene said as he flopped on his belly. “Who wants to be my favorite parental unit? The competition has grown and it is _fierce_!”

“Gene,” Bob began with annoyance. The sound of Teddy crying next to him stopped Bob from continuing to reprimand his son. Teddy let go of Bob and Linda’s hands to hug them to him as tears leaked down his face once more.

“I--I love you guys so much! I’m just so happy to be a part of this family!”

Bob hugged Teddy back, grabbing Linda’s hand around Teddy. Tina and Gene came around the table to join the embrace. Even Louise, after rolling her eyes, scooted over to take part.

Whatever happened after that, at least their family burger had finally found its cheese.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've fiddled with this chapter so much over the last few days that I think that my brain is going to start leaking out of my ears unless I just let it go. I just wanted this part to be as good as possible. There's going to be one last chapter to tie up loose ends and then an epilogue, but this part really is the crux of the story.


	19. "Belcher Manor" Would Definitely Win an Emmy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family puts on an encore performance. Things, for once, end well for the Belchers.

“I’m sorry that you didn’t win the homework contest, but accidentally creating a school-wide study group is still pretty impressive.” Bob said to his children a week later as the family sat in the restaurant waiting for Teddy.

The kids were out of school for the year and they’d finally spilled the beans on what they’d been doing for the last several months. Bob still didn’t entirely understand how they’d managed to goad the student body of Wagstaff School into actually doing their schoolwork--or how that was supposed to help the Belcher kids themselves win the contest--but Bob was just inspired by their inadvertent ability to inspire others.

Linda nodded in agreement and adjusted her dress to drag less on the floor. “Especially for you three!”

“We wanted to win the contest, not improve anyone’s grades.” Louise said sullenly as she sat in a booth, her head on her arms, and pouted. Her notebook lay on the table next to her head, her pink bunny ears adorned with a paper flower.

“Yeah, especially not our own!” Gene said, echoing his sister’s sour tone.

Bob wiped the counter in front of him. If he was in the restaurant, he was working--even on a Sunday. “Didn’t Mr. Frond recognize you at the year-end assembly?”

“Getting recognized by Mr. Frond is like if Jimmy Pesto told you that he was proud of you.” Louise’s distaste was crystal clear.

“Touche.”

Gene sat in a different booth with his keyboard on the seat beside him. “Besides, if Mr. Frond was going to humiliate us in front of the whole school, the least he could have done was give us consolation prizes.”

“We got certificates.” Tina said, her own costume in disarray as she tried in vain to get comfortable in the heavy fabric. Her notebook sat on the counter while Tina stood looking out of the window.

“A certificate isn’t going to get me unlimited rides at Wonder Wharf, Tina.” Louise scoffed at her sister.

“Or get me all-you-can eat funnel cake.”

Bob smiled at his younger children. In trying to cheat the system, they’d still managed to do the right thing. How very ironic.

“I’m still proud of you kids.”

Louise groaned and covered her eyes in anguish. “Ugh, that makes it worse!”

“Well, turn those frowns upside down!” Linda said cheerfully as she twirled to see her dress flare. “Teddy should be home soon. Do you have your keyboard, Gene?”

“I still don’t see why we have to do this again.” Bob said, a touch of annoyance to his voice. “He’s already dating us now.”

Linda frowned at her husband. “You ruined the surprise, Bob. Teddy deserves the complete, unabridged version of our Emmy-worthy story.”

“In fairness to me, I was under a lot of stress last Sunday.” Bob replied and returned Linda’s scowl. His frustration was pretty light, however, as there were many, many worse things that he could be doing on a Sunday afternoon than telling his boyfriend that he loved him again.

Like being accosted by his landlord, for example.

“That’s what a mob boss would say!” Gene piped up from his booth, his top hat tilting at a dangerous angle on his head.

Bob turned his frown on his son. “Gene, at this point you’re just saying that to be annoying.”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Oh, oh! Here comes Teddy!” Tina exclaimed just as the blond man got out of his truck in front of the restaurant. “Quick, into position!”

The Belchers hurried to their places. Teddy walked by the restaurant entrance, heading for the apartment stairs, then did a double-take when he saw Tina’s face plastered to the window. Teddy smiled at the teenager as he turned back to open the door.

“What’s up, gang?” Teddy asked the restaurant at large as he stepped in. Each of the Belchers was dressed in the closest approximation of an Edwardian outfit that thrift store money could buy. Bob had even trimmed his mustache and managed to fit into an old pair of dress pants, though he’d nearly broken his leg in forcing them on. The cook was especially proud of the nice vest that he’d found at the thrift store that only had a couple of holes in the back, which Bob hid with his one dinner jacket.

The restaurant’s lighting was low and a single candle sat on the booth farthest from the door. Although they were closed, the family didn’t want to risk anyone looking in and asking questions. Hugo, the surly food inspector, did have a tendency to pop up at the most unlucky times, after all.

“Welcome home, Handyman Teddy!” Tina said as she led Teddy to the booth. She picked up a page boy hat--not particularly authentic but the best that they could find at the thrift store--from the booth and handed it to Teddy. “As a reward for your years of loyal service, I and Lord Gene and Lady Louise are going to treat you to the theater!”

“Aw, really?” Teddy laughed as he sat down in the booth crossways. He slipped off his knit cap and put on the page boy with a grin. “Thanks, Lady Tina.”

The Belchers performed their _Winthrop Manor_ pastiche in full, with Bob and Linda taking over their own roles and sharing Teddy’s. Teddy seemed just as pleased and touched as the first time and he clapped enthusiastically at the conclusion when the Belchers sang Gene’s song.

“That was great, everybody! I loved it!” Teddy gushed as the family finished, out of breath. “Wow, that was almost as good as the first time!”

“What do you mean, almost as good?” Linda asked with hurt in her voice.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that, Lin!” Teddy amended anxiously. “It’s just, the first time was when you told me that you loved me and that kinda colored the whole thing, you know?”

“But we weren’t part of the performance, then.” Linda still sounded peeved, though less than Bob would have expected.

“It was nice to see a show with you two. Kinda like a date.” Teddy said as he smiled up at Linda under his cap.

Linda blushed and smiled. Teddy had always been good at giving compliments. Now that he was dating Bob and Linda he was even more generous with his praise, if that were possible.

“OK, show’s over! Time to pack it in, folks!” Louise loudly interrupted any impending displays of affection. She had her soft center but generally didn’t go in for “touchy-feely nonsense.”

“How was work, Teddy?” Tina asked as the family sat down to rest before they cleaned up and went upstairs. Teddy had been getting in some overtime at the jobsite and looked tired but pleased. The Wiggle Room renovations had kept him busy for so long that it was sort of melancholy that Teddy would soon be back to taking regular jobs. But with the Belchers behind him, Bob was certain that Teddy would never again be in crisis.

“We’re basically finished. There’s some painting to do and the kitchen needs a stove installed but otherwise we’re almost out of there. The super says that we’ll definitely be done before the middle of June, so we’re ahead of schedule.”

Bob’s phone rang then and he looked down at the flip-phone in annoyance as Teddy continued in the background.

“Mr. Fischoeder” blinked on the tiny screen and Bob stifled a groan. They’d renewed their lease on Wednesday, as originally planned, with Teddy nearly bursting from happiness as he signed his name next to Bob and Linda’s. Mr. Fischoeder had made some vaguely threatening hints about Bob’s future work, but otherwise the meeting had been uneventful.

What could the old man want _now_?

“Hey, Mr. Fischoeder.” Bob answered his phone as he made his way to the back of the restaurant for privacy. “What can I do for you?”

“Bob, I’ve just today checked on the progress of my personal project. We’re quite close to being finished and so I’m calling in your debt.” Mr. Fischoeder’s melodious voice came through the phone, ominous in its sunniness.

“Oh--OK, when exactly?”

“I was told that things will wrap up by the middle of this month. Apparently there’s still some painting to do and the stove needs installing, which concerns you, of course.”

Wait a minute…

“Mr. Fischoeder, what exactly is your ‘little project’?” Bob asked, fiddling with the buttons on his vest as he did.

“If you must know, Bob, I’m senior partner of the Wiggle Room.” Mr. Fischoeder sounded condescending, as if Bob should have known that all along. Bob wasn’t fooled for a second. “You’ll be cooking there until I can wrangle together a kitchen staff.”

Bob laughed. Of _course_ Mr. Fischoeder was the “mysterious benefactor” that saved the beloved nightclub. God forbid that anyone find out that the rich old man wasn’t entirely an amoral kook.

“OK, Mr. Fischoeder. Give me a call when you’re ready for me.” Bob looked out of the order window at the family seated around Teddy. The kids were playing catch with Gene’s top hat and Linda was holding Teddy’s hand on the table as they talked. “I won’t tell anyone that you’re the one who saved the club. I promise.”

Mr. Fischoeder coughed loudly. “I’ll hold you to that. I might even find you some underlings while you’re cooking there. Perhaps some of the Wonder Wharf carnies would appreciate a change of scenery.”

“I want Mickey, if I get a choice.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Have a good afternoon, Bob.” Mr Fischoeder hung up and Bob closed his phone with a grin. Extra work or not, this temporary job would probably be a lot more pleasant than Bob had expected.

“Hey, Dad! Are you off the phone yet?” Gene called. Usually Bob would be annoyed, except he was too happy and relieved.

“Yeah, I am. What’re you talking about now?” Bob asked as he came around from the back.

“We’re working on our revenge plot against Jimmy Pesto.” Tina said, matter-of-fact. With Jimmy Junior safe, Tina was just as gung-ho for vengeance as the rest of the family.

“Great! I have some ideas.” Bob exclaimed happily. He sat next to Linda across from Teddy. Bob grabbed Teddy’s free hand and tangled his legs with his wife’s and their boyfriend’s. Their kids sat around them in various states of relaxation.

The family sat for a while more, planning and spinning off into other conversations easily. Bob squeezed the two hands in his own, reveling in their differences--and yet, they were so similar. Hardworking and passionate and sweet.

Teddy had made his home with the Belchers. Better yet, he had worked his way into Bob's heart and mind with patient affection. Bob plotted with his kids, his wife, and their lover and Bob was so grateful that they’d hired Teddy all those years ago. He was thankful that Teddy loved Bob’s food--and the Belchers--enough to come back every day so that Bob and his family could learn to love Teddy in return.

Teddy was Bob’s Burgers’ best customer and he was Bob Belcher's best (boy)friend.

At least that’s how Bob would define it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried my best to tie up any loose ends in this chapter, since I intend the epilogue to be entirely fluff. Please let me know if anything is confusing or seems plotted badly. I don't want any part of this story to feel rushed or anything like that.
> 
> I'm nearly done! I have just the epilogue left, and I already have that mostly planned out. I especially like the call-back to "Friends with Burger-fits" at the very end. :3


	20. It's Time for an Epi-Corndog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Belchers finally get to Wonder Wharf. Linda gets a crepe.

When they arrived at Wonder Wharf, Bob stopped the family just inside the entrance. The kids fidgeted impatiently but Bob had been careful to not distribute any money before they got to the amusement park. His children were good kids but they’d swipe the shoes off of your feet if you let them.

“OK, before you scatter, I wanna say something.”

“Dad, seriously? We’re wasting precious ride time!” Louise exclaimed dramatically.

“Yeah, I can smell the funnel cake from here!” Gene sniffed the air like a bloodhound--and then whined high in his nose like one, too.

“I’ll make it quick.” Bob smiled at his children and then at the two other adults with them. Linda and Teddy were just as restless as the kids and were looking around in excitement. “I just want to thank you again for being so good about avoiding Mr. Fischoeder all last spring.”

“You’re welcome, Dad.” Tina, deadpan as ever, smiled at her father even as she glanced around at the games and rides.

“I also want to thank you for being discreet about Teddy.”

Louise snorted in scorn. “We’re not stupid, Dad. If the Cranwinkles or anybody found out about Teddy there’d be a pitchfork mob outside of the restaurant within the hour.”

“Exactly. So thank you. You’re great kids and we love you.”

“You’re welcome we love you and Mom and Teddy can we  _ please _ go now?” Gene’s rapid-fire reply came complete with grabby hands. Bob would have liked to continue (he did enjoy giving inspirational speeches) but the kids would probably bolt if he tried, money or no money.

“Here.” Bob pulled out his wallet and doled out a not-insignificant amount to each child. “It’s not unlimited rides or sweets, but you helped us earn this.”

“Wow, thanks, Dad!” Tina said as she carefully pocketed the bills. “Mr. Goiter, wait for me!”

“Yeah, this is sufficient.” Louise said with superiority, putting away her own share. “Come on, guys! We’re going to ride the Scream-I-Cane until we scream out our lungs!”

Gene shoved his money into his pocket in panic. “Wait, I didn’t agree to that!”

“Meet us back here at closing time!” Linda called to the kids as they ran off.

“OK, bye Mom!” Tina yelled back and followed her siblings to disappear around a game stall.

Bob watched the kids leave and then turned back to Linda and Teddy. Linda was recklessly close to Teddy; Bob was pretty sure that they were holding hands under Linda’s purse.

“Guys.” Bob sighed. He didn’t  _ like _ being the bad cop, but now he was usually outnumbered by good cops who gave the kids candy and made goo-goo eyes at each other over the counter at the restaurant. It was a miracle that no one knew that Bob and Linda were dating Teddy now.

“Sorry, Bobby.” Linda sounded sheepish and reluctantly pulled away from Teddy.

Teddy, for his part, looked both contrite and melancholy. “Yeah, sorry, Bobby.”

“I know it sucks that we can’t be affectionate in public.” Bob said as they started walking towards the food pavilion to find lunch. “But I have good news that might help.”

“What is it?” Teddy asked as they slowly strolled along, Bob in the middle of his two best friends.

“The Sofa Queen is having their annual summer sale next week.”

Linda stopped to consider the offerings at one of the gaudiest stalls. “OK, and?”

“I took a look at their website. Beds are up to half-off.”

Linda whipped around at that with a blinding grin. Teddy didn’t seem to understand the implications. In fact, he was too busy buying four corndogs to pay attention to Bob.

“Oh, Bob! We should go tomorrow!”

“Go where?” Teddy asked as he handed Bob and Linda a corndog each.

“The Sofa Queen.” Bob blew on his corndog to cool it before continuing. “They’re having a sale and beds are cheap.”

“What’s wrong with your old bed?” Teddy took a giant bite out of one of his corndogs, completely oblivious. Bob loved the man, but he could be a total ditz. Then again, so could Linda. (If Bob were being honest, so could he--occasionally.)

“Teddy, I am officially kicking you off of our couch.” Bob said mischievously. Unfortunately, Teddy still wasn’t picking up what Bob and Linda were putting down.

“Wait, no, Bobby!” Teddy’s eyes widened in shock. Bob sighed in affectionate frustration.

Before Teddy could panic further, Linda spoke up. “Teddy, we want you to sleep with us.” Linda explained. She was always better at spelling things out. “We’re getting a bigger bed so you can sleep with us.”

Teddy blinked and blinked again. Then he took a step forward and raised his arms, clearly intending to hug them both, before he stepped back and blinked once more as tears began to gather in his eyes. Teddy beamed, his smile as bright as his lemon-yellow hair.

“Wow, that’s--that’s really terrific!” Teddy said as he wiped his eyes on the back of his free hand. “Yeah, OK. I really do want to sleep with you.”

“Do you mean that in the regular way or the naughty way?” Linda asked as she began to eat her own corndog with gusto.

Bob and Teddy both blushed, though the color was significantly more noticeable on Teddy.

“Uh, both? Both.” Teddy gulped.

“OK, then we’ll run by the Sofa Queen tomorrow and then we can figure out a way to get the kids out of the apartment for a few hours.” Linda said with a wink and began walking towards another stand. “I’m going to go get a crepe. You two coming?”

Bob and Teddy looked at each other and grinned. They toasted their corndogs and then followed Linda, brushing their hands together more than once. The summer sun glittered on the water and the scent of fried dough filled the air.

Bob smiled all through the park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thus ends the first of hopefully many fanfictions set in this softer reality of Bob's Burgers! I tried so hard to do the series justice while championing my preferred ship (obviously). I have a few ideas for future stories: the tale of the kids and their contest, POV swaps for Linda and Teddy, a story where Linda's parents visit (and complications ensue), and more. For now, however, I want to work on my novel for a bit. I'm finding that switching between fandom and originals helps me to not get bogged down in either.
> 
> If you have any ideas or thoughts, please do share! I fully intend to edit this story some time in the future, when it's fresh again. I love comments and though I don't love criticism (who even does?) I do try to take it to heart if it's kindly meant.


End file.
